Month: August 2015

On 86th February 2015,

Before you read this, keep sharp objects away from you: I would like to spare my public collective suicide. I alternate, in what follows, navel gazing, vulgarity and poetry: it can make a chemical gangbang in your head and make you so much wanting to you would explode from the basis of your sex. The problem is that on one side, inspiration cannot be bought… but you have to make laugh this audience literally addicted & junkie to sex. There’s this fucking chronic which awaits me at a halt. She taunts me from afar like a dependent child who expects his small strawberry pots and is very greedy! A text on my blog is prepared with as much delicacy as a little whoopee.

So I write this after I warmed in company of young student who had just more than 30 years if we add them (with whom I spent a great evening despite what you’ll read spoke after I wanted to cram). Two girls with oriental charm. “It’s the dough I earn on my blog that interests you so much the chintok? And you want to stay how long this morning the niakoué? Move your ass to leave because last night I needed you to empty my cock but this morning you are no longer useful to me because I have to write what is urgent so do not forget to pick up your panties Petit Bateau. And by the way thank you to the food before leaving bitches, if you could also go scrubbing the toilets and vacuum three dust grains showing off your ass and whistling the Marseillaise before entering your HLM it would be perfect.” One doesn’t say that love lasts three hours and then only if they are two? Well. They not only did not help me to write when I was begging for inspiration, but the more I listened them talking more I liked oysters.

With that said, I must admit, even by myself without being disturbed, I struggled to give birth without an epidural to this text because it is far from my usual writing universe. But my goal is to modernize the language while immersing mine in the one of a young reader: it’s not easy, fucking camel ass, I must go out of my comfort zone! Rereading, I also say to myself that even Amélie Nothomb could have done better by scribbling on a toilet paper (she is very modern but writes without modernism making her responsible for Amazon deforestation hop go to jail). I assume and I still sign the text at the end, taking care to dip my pen in my first drop of semen day. Otherwise, I know myself and I’ll wait until having JP Coffe haircut (long live capillary solidarity to the king of the pain in the ass dictation too) before publishing something else on my blog. And anyway, the result will never be worse than the marriage proposal Domenech. Go soccer players, call me a misogynist asshole and pretentious … it missed me too, band of illiterate !!! Big up to the mélanchonistes nerds!

I know that lately I wrote rather pessimistic articles. At the same time, it’s hard to resist stress attacks (a thought for African countries who do not know the freedom of expression – a world where nobody can say something stupid it is a world of morons) , the stolen photos, hackers tapping, the paranoid Jews (ie a handful of assholes that do not even read me take me for an anti-Semitic), the pressure of finance and moods of the housewife under fifty rods. But hey it’s part of life all this: there are ups and downs (bra and thong) in life. So I decided to take up (or lowers depends on your point of view) the level of my blog based on gender approximations easy jokes on the physics of our last two presidents (seriously these guys bang Carla Bruni and Julie Gayet I fantasize about them from the age of 15?) and racist provocations (the Arab countries have only anecdotal problems such as buying the PSG). I says it all: I’m a motherfucker in this article so let me go ahead of the foreskin! I do not want to have to finish my damn chronic justifying on everything! Fucking lobster!

Right now, I feel rather better, thanks to the presence of my dear Virginie (my friend, my lover, my love) and the lack of Padawan and metallers of my life (they put a great atmosphere by not coming).

I recently went out with guys met on a pickup forum. We will call one Frank Ribery because of the fact that he speaks French very well like a bad translation of Reverso. Small inferiority complex in front of him, however, on learning that he had a 230 cm long cock. We could call the other Marc Lavoine since his main seduction technique is to do his “regard révolver” I talk to a girl (an animal technique that would make jealous Leo Carpaccio Di). This is a somewhat perverse Kabyle who runs a grocery store and scratches his balls looking at his client’s eyes. I do not like peopke try to steal my targets so elegantly so I decided to install a digital code on Virginie’s pussy whose key would be the end of my rod (you never know it could excite her or why not a barbed wire up). Besides speaking of you, dear love Vivie, how long am I begging you on my knees knees to make you redo the breasts ???

Well, let’s go back to Game, who had to approach the first one? Fucking Breton uneducated ass, I was appointed by the cover surprise unanimously. I hope it will not be the same when we will play to determine who will have to Frenchkiss Luc Besson. Fucking ass of leopard not flared!

Well, I saw a chick. I went faster than Speedy Gonzales (only the oldest will understand the reference but small wanker knows that the future belongs to those who get up early): Gammon wind, tie askew, glasses fogged .. I as was like is my habit: funny and vulgar rash (talkative, narcissistic, neurotic) to impress my wingmen of the day and mix my saliva with the one of this naughty origin redhead (she had a passport to reside in France). I decided to pursue my advances until she gives way but hopefully the routine I usually use on silicone young sluts worked “you love big cocks? you should find yourself a guy who has one … random example: me. ”

After a moment her burning brow like a Berlusconi night began to sweat (IDI), she asked me “What is your passion?
– The guys of the PTT bar, Benzema and Jojo my hamster
– Go to castration
– I would not be equipped to make love to you in this case
– Okay [damn I had no more motivation to seek a joke because I was falling on the stairs of the blunder so I decided to play the card of the frankness]
– Go and put your ass in front of me in a bar, it’s not every day that you meet a boy so unbalanced. I swear I have not AIDS, I even cried with joy by dancing in the kitchen when I got my results
– OK well just because you’re funny. And it’s the last holidays after I leave Aix for an internship so I do not care
– OK but I beg you to stop right away to look at me this way I have the impression of being a chicken supreme with orange.
– I warn you right now I will not sleep with you
– You never know, everything is so fast nowadays with NICT”

I played footsie at the bar. By rubbing the right place. She did the same on me. This was my first orgasm in public … her first orgasm (to exorcise there’s nothing better). I asked the tramp who had settled in front of the bar to look down, this kind of twisted was watching us by jerking off (it was a Romanian plaintive begging with his eyes just like you right now dear reader) . She had given me hungry with all this: not a sandwich homegrown but a “falafelation”. A little bonus for her, she was a believer: those who still think that the Bible is not just for stalling a TV manufactured in North Korea by children.

My two wingmen (my comrades in the fight against feminism), these repressed fags were leaving by saying “if we stay we will end up like two gays watching you having sex.” I grabbed one by the collar of his tweed jacket that suits him so badly and I requested him to move his ass and to approach a girl. He crapped on it literally. Amid these AFC I felt like Patrick Sébastien lost in a cultural show and singing “the tight little guy stuck at the bottom of this pussy” according to the principle antagonist comedy by Dany Boon … Leave if you are ready to cook pies I’ll put you in the face fucking losers! The beefier said “c’mon dude go on” but I did not want to inflict a beating last. And I thought these people were interested in football, they were almost frequentable, I am very disappointed …

So I took the girl by the hand, saying “just go to bed and take a shower before in the hope I see you going out of it before you dress up” and they went home too . She enjoyed rubbing against my tuft compressed by her suspender belt. She really liked my comic talent in bed. During the break, we watched a porn with Rocco who was licking his toes stretched range. Damn I’ll erase this passage rereading it makes me look like a big weird anyway. In short, she again suck on my little coquetry I showed her with pride. I then sodomized her with a steel gadget. We qualified our antics of a zest materialism ” your cock is a little tanned
– you haven’t the mark of the swinsuit. ”

Her brother phoned while we fucked and I took the phone because she was handcuffed. He asked what is abortion for a dissertation, I guess. I said “that’s what your parents regret not having done when there was still time.” I am a real motherfucker, I hope he did not want to cut his dick with his zapper television after that and even when it helped a bit. No seriously, to be forgiven I will offer him a useful gift: Prozac. She, the naughty redhead, has not liked me too trolling her brother this way knowing that she was herself to her 6th yoga exercise and 3rd Prozac of the day. She left with the eyes as keen as Doherty at the exit of a custody (I have much affection for him because he is a former drug addict brother to the notorious perversity). I said I was desperate to apologize even plunge my tongue in a titanium condom. Seriously, her wispy look might make me hard just by crossing it in the the tail of the ANPE. Beautiful and not even stupid: I was happy not to keep my miasma for me even if she has left a little abruptly.

After she left, I turned off the camera I left running to my room. This is the Youporn & Michel d’Aix en Provence. I returned picking up because it was not late and came across an ultra-naughty chick. When you picked up so cold woman you can do Pick-Up at the North Pole. I take my ticket? No seriously it made me disgusted.

Well I went to bed naked as a Chernobyl beach and I dreamed that I was eating with Franky Ribery. The guy of the forum, not the real footballer. He reminded me Padawan in the sense that he was a fan of organic food. I’d eat well with complete Quinoa rice, me, his shitty principles. So I was eating at a vegetarian restaurant in front of the other fag then he started kissing me, his little goat was able to thrill the parts of my body until that night completely unsuspected. He insisted licking my toes in a public place, too. What a strange and penetrating dream. It was a very stormy passion. It made me almost as excited as having my first homosexual experience with our national poet Eric Zemmour or take classes of handling crowds with Alain Pipeau Soral at an orgy with his 700 conquests. Know that I am really desperate to go on the show of a certain shortsighted homosexual and communist leader (in the world of showbiz after 10pm we do not order just sushis so I can try my luck). I should point out though that I am not more gay than Teddy Rhiner normally, I just do it for cash.

The next day when I walked into town, I saw an ex,(we share a past oral sex) rich suffering from an huge intellectual complex. The poor took good 20 kilos and as much of cocaine since the last time I saw her. We used to fuck in front of the DVD of Amelie Poulain with condoms YSL, while receiving Bordeaux intravenously. Contact violent wet body, our tongues connected … short preliminary bourgeois type before coitus tendency proletarian. After she fell asleep like a baby of 50 kilos for 1m65. Sometimes we fought then drank discord whiskey before welcoming the rise in us of the orgasmic reconciliation. With her bank account (or rather the one of her parents) we enjoyed complete freedom with all the consequences that it may lead: I should marry her (her or murder her father and marry her mother), I’would not have had to work in my life. But her pussy was wet with alcohol and after a cunnilingus I was still drunk. Too bad because I was feeling good in her frail arms of supermodel anorexic. I look like a homosexual when I write it a bit but it’s like that.

We all the same married in Vegas with this crazy who had not warned her parents we were leaving (it was Bonnie and Clyde but it saved us from a ritual damn religious marriage / divorce / carnage / suicide) . “Are you willing to take to your sexual partner in orgies for wife, miss XXXX?
– Yes
– You can make the exchange of XXL condom latex free” (I wear a vigorous sex, 40cm a piece of choice you can confess you dream the night of my elegant penis little slut reader) I’m a guy very mobilized for the cause of big dicks, I even took actions in Durex. WHAT MY TEXT IS TOO MUCH ???! You do not like the hexagonal red white blue humor, Marine? Oh damn I love these police jokes.

In short my relationship with her had to remain secret (between her, me and her little sister who should not open the door nor mouth). Go do not throw me the stone … what at 5 year old you never wanted to suck something? Remember how you felt when your parents allowed you to take a hand in the cage of the zoo panda … well here is the same.

Having seen her again had moved me so I went to bed early with chamomile (also common syndrome among employees of La Poste but them it is rather when they work) like my grandmother who loves Sarkozy and who has baladuriens breasts! I dreamed last night that Emmanuelle Béart had invited me staying home because I was in the street. She hid condoms in her lips. But like in Toy Boy I cheated on her once installed in her luxurious Paris apartment because she had a furious tend to be more beautiful when I’m in trouble. Then they all tend to resemble to those they were the day before, it is a problem for guys like me for who infidelity rooted in their genetic heritage (I was bitten by a genetically modified gorilla). The alarm clock rang, I had to go to the shrink.

So although my therapist did not want me to take meds and tried to dissuade me, saying that it gave cancer and Alzheimer’s, I decided to go to a “psychiatrist” this time. Like De Niro in Analyze This, there’s no shame. To get there I asked my way to a cop who embodied the authority about as well as I embody humility.

The doctor is a little pedantic and fat dude, exercising for $75 / 20 minutes in a street not far from the nightclub where I banged chicks against the fountain located behind the above-cited nightclub.

I’ll not lie to you, I felt on a psychoanalyst. Direct He asked me how it was going with my mother? “You will find the answer on dequoijememletamerelapute.com and cateregardepasconnard.com”

When he asked me € 75 for half an hour, I had the impression of having participated in a dinner where the stupid guest was the patient. Really felt like the Nabila of psychiatry. ME I WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM BECAUSE WHEN I WAS A KID I LISTENED WISELY MY FATHER CALLING MY MOTHER WHORE AND BITCH ???!

After the first session, he said nothing, given nothing, he only said “see you in three weeks.” Three weeks later, he told me to take Valium morning noon and night just to be well high. Three weeks later, he told me he thought I was going very badly, that my case was serious, I needed a strong thing to get out of my depression but he still did not know what then I had to come back in three weeks. I almost killed him, ransack his waiting room and set fire to hide my tracks.

So know that I fuck the shrinks practicing psychoanalysis and do not reprove me even if I have to get it the peephole of Freudian bourgeoisie. This stuff is really crap. The goal is not even to heal. Fucking Freudian kamikazes! At the middle of an analysis you make yourself hara-kiri, it is not possible otherwise! I’m sure the tubes and envious rejoice that I am sick! It’s ridiculous !

My conclusion is that most psychologists are crazier than their patients. And I have a problem of control / anger. I must go hugging my cat and eating chocolate to overcome this because I feel murder desires. 3 sessions of € 75 for remarks that do not advance me. FUCK !

The passage in bold is the only part of the text that is not totally a joke huh I am a fake megalomaniac, a fake narcissistic and I did not already have a big head at 14 years … neurologically I goes well I’m just trying to lighten the mood with this text. That’s it for the news so I will try to return to the therapist who treated me well during my first depression even though it is farther (Marseille) it’s half the price and he is twice more famous. And he has not already proved he was good not like this loser who thinks he’s a god damn because he gave courses at the Faculty of Medicine (poor students).

Well I stop to talking about it because Ihave phosphenes and the heart that beat hard in my ears. Great birthday present he given me this motherfucker, fortunately Virginie came to see me after. Well. I rather want to throw my ironical venom on my motherfucker brother.

So thank you to my brother for showing me everything I should not do in life. The crap he does in his life is the same level that sending Claude Gueant to a concert of Diam’s the hottie. Smiling did not happen to him since the age of 8. 400 cans of beer under lamp per day that’s a lot anyway! Besides, he dares not without audacity driving by being drunk! He may fall like shit fom his scooter, like Depardieu, they have in common btw that they are helped by their obesity. It hangs in his face like a dry mucus … but he should not expect me to pay a € 5,000 bribe to leave the cabin once the cops will look at how he drives. Personally, if I go to jail one day, it’s because it’s illegal to have such a sex appeal.

I came out picking up chicks after going to the shrink: I wanted to enjoy another courtesan. I felt on a girl who did not want me. But I thought she wanted to play: when I approached her, she pushed me and shouted like I was an assassin. I lost my means like Jacques Attali stammering a brilliant theory left. I was shaking like the hands of Jacques Chirac sweetening strawberries without someone coming checking if they are outdated or not so I pulled out the spoon oyster and poker that I always carry with me to silence her. It was fortunate: my cellar was hopelessly empty, I had noone to hide in it for a while. Traces of my DNA will be found in her hair. Hands tied, she won’t be able to unmake up in addition, she will remain beautiful like that.

Know that I am against this shameless world where some lax husbands still allow their wives to leave exposed ankles in the street (the cellars then what is it for ???). What the fuck those tits apparent in movies, seriously ??? They have in addition civil rights that allow them to sleep with nicer guys, more muscular, richer … and leave us when we still love them! Let’s all wear the veil like in the country were heads fall (some not for aesthetic reasons but for religious) and live in a happy world as a family reunion at my aunt’s …

The last two paragraphs were ironic (Iro who is that?), I hope that you understood.

The time she wakes up, what to do tonight? For the trifle only counting on my left hand? OH NO ! I continued my NPU. This is where I met the two girls I mentioned at the beginning of the article. As pickup technique I invited them to come watching an interview of Mélanchon who thought as usual being in a meeting with me. Big thunderbolt: I immediately thought of engaging both domestic toothless (soon they will know the ideal temperature of my bubble baths ahlala I like the small staff and I’m talking about women of course). Fairly important detail to be noticed, one had huge tits (I had never met an Asian hot like that but apparently it exists) a question nagging me: what was she going to do with all that milk? In short, my little spring rolls I’ve had all the sauces (that’s more than two hours that I have acquired them in a trendy restaurant in the middle of a crowd of mojitos).

I was still tired at 4am, and they would not stop fucking so I pulled out my tranquilizer gun and I put the highest dose (the one I use to get rid of polar bears and elephants Africa who sometimes cross my apartment). I hope they will not mind I stopped them in a full rise of oestrogene it is a blow to become crazy but I’m already so I don’t give a shit! (I have a gastro that’s why I’m in a bad mood). My adrenaline is finally back down playing crosswords on the ground floor at 5am and I could sleep with moist eyes that reviews the unfortunate love of his life and she is not even unhappy without him, he lowers his head and sees that she is expecting a baby. Another has banged her better than him in the soiled sheets of their past love. Note to myself: I must compare my cuckold’s horns with those of my ex!

I ended up releasing the one who lived in my basement because she almost knocked down. It would not have been a bad thing (but that does not happen) : my child would have spent the ENA, Science Po and Normale Sup. I would have signed autographs instead of his dangerous liaisons books. And when he had landed at a new school, his father would have already slept with at least one student and his mother, it is important!

For the rest, I’ll meet you in a club of orgies precisely located between Lille and Marseille (a hint: the one I was expelled for a month for not coupled myself one night). Mind you I do not spend my copyright windfall nights in debauchery, not more than 7 times a week anyway. They distribute condoms like Tagada strawberries. It is a real butcher there, clay pigeon shooting … there is a theme soon I guess: swingers brutal practices animal midst broadcast on Arte. That branch you or you find that it is a crime against humanity television?

I would like to open one later (a swingers clubs). I’d be attendant GHB cocktail and my body would also permanently oiled like a frigid stripper in a club Besançon. Loana Bottle images when she was foraging in a famous pool displayed on screen. There would be almost French dancers to energize average French. There would also be a red curtain, Skins condoms and 235H of shows without intermissions including those devoted to female orgasms.

In short it seems that when you have no talent you make yourself censored then censor me, biatches! Nothing is more difficult than when you have a little talent and culture. I would like to seriously boost myself and not having to suck all the Canal+ gays doing nasty chronic (that makes me laugh but just a little and it would make me outright blubbering like haikus of Belgian origin if it was talking about me) ! Hopefully this text has anesthetized all my readers. Surgeons can operate your brain atrophied now! Thank God or Allah that I write instead of talking to you because otherwise I would splutter in your mouth on subjects that are shit! Well I’m leaving I have to show compassion for a granny who has not had relations since 1908. AND YOU WHAT IS YOUR GOOD ACTION TODAY?

Damn I am furious: I learned that in Pigale we won’t even be allowed anymoreto fuck prostitutes soon (The Girl of the Body Painting works there now) … so I’m desperate to succeed .. . even curling overdose viagra with NKM. Yes yes, different political race can reproduce, like assorted sauces in the middle of the same salad. Word of a former 1st class who retaliates by shooting everything that moves, do not move and has never moved! So here Nadine Morano, this text is a kind of long text message that I am sending you (I hope you appreciate the honor because most of my SMS are studied in Normale Sup). I also like Martine Aubry swollen ankle. Serious Rama Yade, I have difficulties to contain this sexual tension between us. Even you, the reactionary psycho able to put 50 million French furious, I want to fuck you against promotion sofa but then you will need a denture which will not help your already faulty diction. I fantasize finally a first lady of France summoned me to the Elysee to lacerate my back with blows of stilettos, I chews her breasts like a baby with eyes of crazy and then she throws me naked in her full of vodka pool and I expiate my sins until morning (the jerk of a woman’s right excites me more than a lick of Ségolène Royal). I will draw as a child on the hairs of her mustache unless she plucks before. Go, make a little effort, I will even accept to rub against a chest of drawers Louis XV if it carries lipstick and heels 15cm. The only one I could not fuck is Christiane Taubira. Sorry. There’s nothing personal in there but hey she always has fucking bad laws ideas and I think even if I am apolitical I can see that there is something wrong with her.

In summary: I accept any kind of job in which one does not dare to fire me for sexual harassment with my secretary and which includs a golden parachute: overseeing few suicides at France Telecom, organizing Betancourt shenanigans, escort-boy for famous girls with €25,000 extension by extraordinary orgasm, in other words any career invented by a drunk guy full of ecstasy could suit me … I figured resigned: in life is either success or morality! The key for me is to socialize the High order to make orgies with them in hotels (especially with a friend who was almost president but who governed only his cock and to whom I confess I would put one hand in the ass).

I’m like Vincent Cassel: I look good only when I am surrounded by atomic bombs. Damn I want to re-watch the teaser of A moment of madness I everytime I see pictures of Lola Le Lann (a beautiful woman, she just plays good even without acting class). Know that you’re an asshole like me! Bah, I forgive you: a star is very boring, I know it because I have already banged one. NO I WON’T TALK ABOUT IT! Girls ? I do not know this stuff me !!! Well, I confess I climbed over the railing to join Kate Winslet in Titanic and I pushed her in the fleet. No but I do not want to complex the influent people of this world with my phosphorescent cock. One tip, if you are hot and ill: take my cock like a antibiotic morning, noon and night. Accuracy: the same mechanism is at work on the atomic bombs who become ugly when you drank too much.

Anyway, I know I have an annoying physical (like a sports teacher in a provincial-looking gym) but PLZ do not put me in jail, my dear Manuel Valls brushing-ambitious know that you have scratched the floor Francois Hollande with your long vampire teeth.

I am writing bad but it is sincere. Everything I have said in this text is true: I swear on the head of Cyril Hanouna! As true as Bogdanov brothers can scratch their balls with their chin. I thank all the people I’m talking about on my blog to don’t make me trial for publishing it. The trial would be shipped anyway. I would do a cunnilingus to the judge. “According to the testimony of my pussy you lick too good to go to jail sucking cocks so you will be condemned to go to a women’s prison.” Even the guards are teasing! Would I be able to choose between 320 dykes aligned like socialists during a primary? Knowing that they would die of envy groping my chest desert as a Japanese island? A delegation of experts could not decide the question if I was able to string them all by myself or not… they concluded that I should be drunk 7/24 to say “yes” to everyone.

I’m leaving, I’ll go writing my future best-seller on cunnilingus because summer is coming soon and I need money: I greatly desire to hang festively during holidays . Also look forward to waddle like Nicolas Dolteau between two wrong notes during the music festival.

Yes, I made a useless article and if you are happy with that, fuck you. Those who do not like me won’t blame me if I come back in a week, it depends on my finances and my libido.

Signed: French billionaire playboy’s imagination.

May the God of the Game blow you!

January 31st, 2015,

I had a great Christmas holiday. My fears have even let me alone for one week: I thought it was over because I had got my exam, then they came back even stronger. I saw The Girl of the Body Painting: her trip during one year in Australia as a stripper has clearly changed her. She sucks even better than before. She brought her A-game with one of her work clothes! New Year even with Virginie and her friends. It was cool. A girl even wanted to make out with me (she wanted to sit down on my knees) because I had said for fun that Vivie was my little sister. What a misunderstanding! I met quite a lot of people there and had fun playing the mentalist: I memorized 32 first names!Among my 2015 resolutions, I decided to take myself in charge and I bought a dozen books about stress, present now, anxiety attacks, meditation, Buddhism, intellectual self-defense, etc. I will give you news if it pays! After all, if I was able to learn seduction I should be able to learn inner calm. Well, in theory …

As shows it above my introspection (income of six months of analysis that I decided to stop because it’s too expensive and because the guy tells me every week that maybe in 15 days I will be cured … I smell a scam.) Then he tells me nothing new anymore for a while, always the same advice : moving away from everything I know to do my mourning. Oh yes, something new last time : he told me that his therapy had lasted 13 years. Sorry but I wanna do other things in my life !!!

– My mom –

My mother made me pretty late, around 40, she said it was a risky pregnancy: she cured and did everything so that I am not malformed. I was born in the anxiety.

My mother has always been a very stressed person, very anxious, under antidepressants by periods for as long as I remember. When I was a baby, she was hysterical. I think she even scared me a little. With my father, they often quarreled. One day I told my mother that if he decided to leave, I would go with my father. She put me a slap.

My mother likes to complain. She likes to pretend she is a broom wagon, or a maid. To say that I give her too much work. She makes me feel guilty by saying that I am very messy, that I give her a lot of work, that I make no effort, etc.

Besides that, she often told me that I am her reason for living, that without me she would have left my father already, etc. That if something happened to me she would commit suicide.

She made so that I think she needs me. For example, she hardly knows how to turn on the Freebox and every time there is something like that to do she calls me and ask me to do it (she doesn’t wanna learn). She also likes to watch series, and when it does not interest me, she asks me to come, or pretends it is hilarious or comment out loud to attract me.

I know she has a fear of abandonment too, because of her boyfriend soldier who died when she was young. Maybe she transmitted it to me.

In her way of speaking in general, she likes to exaggerate. To play tragedy. She loves rhetorical turns of phrase. She likes to say that it is “a disaster” or stuff like when it’s nothing in fact. Sometimes she freaks out and calls the police just because the neighbor has not closed the trash down the path.

In some ways, it can be said that it is overprotective. Like “put a skin knit or you will be sick, take an umbrella, eat or you’ll fall from starvation.”

She likes to scream, shrill cries. After everything, even after the dog, especially in front of people, to show them her “authority” on her animals, her husband and son. And in front of people, when my father and I made something, she sometimes says that it is she who has made it. Sometimes I’m here and she’s talking about me using the 3rd person, it annoys me.

– My father –

My father is a very nice man. When I did something wrong, he did not scold me. My father always “sacrifices” for others. Or at least he has for policy to always piss off himself as possible to please others. The best example of that is with food, he never finishes the dishes. And if he is asked to finish it, he cut it in two little parts to leave some for … we don’t know who. He says it’s because he comes from a large family and so he was not allowed to eat everything. In fact, I do not think it’s related, I think this is a saving sense. He is always looking to economize 3 cents even if it costs him more efforts.

My father also has the habit to do soft shots. Which comes to my mind right now is the example of cigarette. I’ve never been able to make him stop. Sometimes he swore on the holy bible that he was no longer smoking, but when I went out at night, I saw him smoking. Caught in the act, he took me for a fool “hi I was just feeding the dog.” I often cannot believe what he says. My mother lies to me too, but more rarely. That the reason why I hate the lies so much!

From what I know, my father is traumatized. He hates talking on the phone, he never calls anyone except my grandmother and my brother for whom he makes an effort every day at the same hour. He was getting beat up as a kid on the way to school, because the “older” who did not like his brother thought it was easier to attack him. So he does not like to go out, has no dress sense and does not like “people”. I also would tend to be a little bit wild if I let myself go and me too I do not like the phone.

If I understand, before I was conceived, my father was depressed. He was persuaded to have a rare disease. It must be said that his father had Alzheimer’s (I did not meet him) and he speaks often about it, afraid to have it in his turn one day. Me too I’m afraid to have it later. Moreover, even today, when he is sick, he always exaggerates the thing. When he has a sciatica, he sees himself handicapped for life. Every year when he makes his exams, he is convinced he has cancer or something like that and sometimes it is me who must go and open the envelope with the analysis. Heavy heredity! To go out of it I really have to work on myself at the risk of passing it to my children!

My father is the one who makes me feel guilty when I’m happy. For example even when it is me who make a cake, he always cut small parts. And if my mother and I decided to take some more, he says it is abused and everything. Then he will secretly eat Petit Lu. Similarly, when I get up late, he sometimes says to me “you are the shame of the family” on the tone of humor, certainly, but well. He says the same thing about himself too when it happens to him. When I was a kid, my mother rather called me “Princess Pea.” So ridiculous !

The difference between my father and my mother is : my mother tends to yell at the vendors, when my father would accept stuff very “borderlines” to don’t get noticed. In some ways, the roles of the parents were reversed at my home.

I remember an anecdote about my father. He had a stomach ache for several days but did not go to the doctor. Us, with my mother, we thought it was nothing, we went to Plan de Campagne. When we came back, we learned that he had taken his car and was at the hospital (had stop on the side of the road to vomit). He had peritonitis. He had surgery the next day. That’s why I am so wary of small symptoms.

– My paternal aunt –

The little sister of my father was raped when they were young, but nobody has ever done anything against those who did this. She has gradually become depressed, etc. We saw her during summer with my brother when we went in the North to visit my grandmother. Last time we saw her, she was in a crisis, and we laughed at her kindly. My brother loves to make fun of people and I love to laugh with him. But he is still a bit naughty and it’s really borderline.

One day in February, the phone rang, my father sat down and said “my sister no longer exists”(those words are strong). I was 19. It happened right after the death of my grandfather. We still must today lie to my grandmother and tell her that her daughter died in her sleep at the pharmacy killed by a ruptured aneurysm while she threw herself under the subway for … to protect her. I maybe feel guilty for that. For this family secret. Which is not one anymore.

– My maternal grandfather –

My maternal grandfather was in the war. I was always told that I was his favorite … this might be the case. We were very close but I feel like lazy compared with him. : He had two jobs and made his family with the sweat of his brow. I do not know if I could prove myself worthy of it.

It seems he was very handsome, strong, fair and a randy bugger. My father, too, it seems that he was very beautiful and had quite a lot of success. It put very high the sex side bar for me.

My grandfather had three bypasses. Apparently he said he thought never seeing me coming in high school. Finally, when he died, I was 18 and he was 94.

When I was younger, I often took care of him. For example, when my grandmother was sick, I went sleeping at their place, in case something would happen during the night.

One morning, we received a phone call, grandpa had a stroke that had lasted more than seven hours until the nurse finds him in the morning and calls the fire department. He survived. This image of fire brigades marked me then when they came for me during my 1st anxiety attack, it was really stressful.

I’ve often been told me that I looked like him. There may have been a transfer process. When I saw my panic attacks, I often who will save me or how to call for help, it might be related to that…

Once we wanted to go on a trip with my parents (I have traveled with my parents when I was young and now it is a pain in the ass for me to go with them because it’s always 3 or 4 museums per day we come back a lot more tired than we left) … and we did not left because at the last moment: he was ill. We had to cancel everything. I was not so displeased. It’s disgusting to say that. I was just a kid.

After the death of his wife (my grandmother), we could have taken him home with us a few months. But because the sister of my mother refused to take him home two weeks a month, my mother decided that it was not fair that she takes him all the time.

Then he went into a nursing home he hated and told us that if he had to stay there, he would run away. He died two months later killed by a pneumonia. We always suspected he was out running away when he caught a cold. In addition, he was a little unbearable even if he tried hard to don’t, and I have often told my mother to comfort her a little some nasty stuff like “when he will be gone, it will be quieter.” I was wrong. I think I’m guilty for that.

When he died, I did not have the courage to say goodbye the day before. We knew he won’t be long but I had use the excuse that I was sick … but I think it was rather cowardice. I do not remember very well why. Everyone visited him, except me, who was nevertheless “his favorite.” I think I never accepted his departure.

Another interesting detail: my grandmother, his wife, was a brunette with green eyes and that’s the kind of girl that attracts me the most. Unlike for the death of my grandmother when I was 17, when it was the turn of my grandfather, I did not cry. I have shown myself strong. My mother had collapsed and I took care of her, I comforted her, etc. In this sense, I think I was a child therapist. I have the example of my father, who goes to a great deal of trouble for his mother, and my mother did the same with his parents, I had those examples.

Six months after the death of my grandfather, my father had palpitations when we were walking on a mountain in Ardèche, with my brother. I have also had some the next day. These small panic attacks lasted a few weeks but stopped just before the next school year. Finally my father has nothing: it was apparently just the stress. He still now has a small medicine which removes his palpitations.

I must say that my father has much to be stressed: my maternal grandmother, 96 years, insults and blames him regularly. She lives alone in the North of France but never wanted to come living with us in the South. She is stubborn and wants to stay there … and she wants us to go living with her. Sometimes she called us for help, saying that she will die, or that she has been poisoned. She is paranoiac !

Since I am speaking about the doctors, the one of my maternal grandmother was not able to diagnose her liver cancer and she died. The last thing she said to me before dying is “you are beautiful”. Like my grandfather, I managed to be the last one to give her a kiss on the forehead in his coffin. The difference is that at her funeral, I was able to talk and cry. I wonder if that was the difference between these two deaths is not, in fact, that I did not mourn my grandfather at the good moment.

One of only films in front of which I cried, it is one this grandmother gave me, White Fang. When the wolf dies at the end. Animal death touches me more than death of human unknown.

– My family is torn from all sides –

The sister of my mother has two son. One day the family was broken : she tried to stab my mother. One day my aunt and my grandfather quarrelled, I was alone with him, I wanted to intervene she struck me. He freaked out and I believed well that he was going to die. I returned him at home, made him sit, drink, etc. but I was not reassured…

My cousins, uncle and godfather and godmother ​​have started to hate me for no reason and I never saw them again after the death of my grandfather. Besides, they did not even come to the funeral meal. My mother thinks that her sister has never accepted the fact that I exist because it took away half the inheritance from her child. Besides, she tried to scam my mother inheritance, with a huge premeditate skullduggery. She broke all ties with all the rest of the family!

With my (half) brother, it has not always been easy. When I was young I did not like when he babysat me. I remember once having locked myself in the bathroom with strawberries. He enjoyed to yell at me. Then, while growing up, he told me that I will be his “old bat” and “we will never dispute” like my mother and sister or my father and brother (at one time there were tensions between them too). Since last year, my brother becomes aggressive with me. Since Christmas for sure: he too rejects me and hates me. He has even thrown a salmon sandwich in my mouth. Basically he has always been jealous of me I think because my father left his mother for mine. Since I hate the treasons and the hypocrites!

I tried to save him: his fat ugly and dumb woman, his threesome with his stepmother, his 3 packs of cigarettes a day, of his 3 daily drinking glasses, etc. He is fat and badly dressed up and everything. And proud of being an asshole !

But I think that if it was me who was really sick, he would be very pleased: to show that he is right and everything. I know it would be unfair because I’m young and have a kind of healthy body … but I’m afraid of this very injustice. I think precisely that because it is unfair it could happen to me.

I feel like I bother. Like a lot of people would be happy that I did not exist. I have difficulty with that. As if I did not deserve my place or if like I have to please everyone. On my blog too, there are plenty of envious who would like to prove to me that they are right and that I’m wrong at any cost.

This summer while I was at the very worst, my mother called my brother who took advantage of it to push me down. The next day she called back him to speak about something else like her wife who smokes by being pregnant and he told her “you made cures and everything and nevertheless Fabrice is sick”. Narrow-minded!

I just realize an uplifting thing : where my brother bought his house in ruins (I went to help retype several half day), this is also where my grandfather died (home rehabilitation). Besides my brother had stopped talking to me (I am a guy who will never do something of his like), to my father (old who becomes useless) and to my mother (berserk he never loved) for two months. He requested a loan of €10,000 to my parents who gave him and he ate with my father and they fought. He took the money and disappeared from our lives. He told him he did not want to see us anymore because we arrived at 11am on the day of his move instead of 10am. Furthermore he still talks to his cousins ​​who were not even here. In brief, he has a big problem since he had his kid. I do not understand why everybody hates me but I question fuck!

The last time we saw the baby, my brother locked himself in his bedroom. We did not see him. His two bitches hardly showed us the baby. As soon as the he cries, my brother yells at him, locks him in his room and slams the door. Poor thing, he will be traumatized later too. He says he is “manly”. It was him who said he did not want any daughter just boys. This is pathetic. He said in an aside to my father “Fabrice will not be godfather” without explaining. He has never told me that but few months ago he was almost on his knees begged me to accept. My parents, my brother, my cousins enjoyed making fun of me because I was the youngest I did not know much.

– Not able to keep friends of my age –

When I was a kid, I was in primary school in Gardanne. I had some good friends and everything. Thenafter, I had to start all over again to 0 because they all went in the private and just me and another girl from my school went to the normal middle-school.

I was very unhappy, among riffraff and gothics, with my look of little well-behaved boy. I was the nice guy who was discreet, makes no noise, etc. At the end those 4 years, I had never kissed a girl and it tortured me. So I decided to change.

I was lucky : in high school, I also started from scratch since my parents realized that I was not in my place in this environment… they put me in Aix while I should have stayed in Gardanne.

In high school, I decided to become the fun guy of the class. I took example on the guys ‘popular’ at the middle-school and I was different in high school. It allowed me among others to mention the fact that I was the son of French teacher. This is what allowed me to integrate a high school full of richs while I am from an “average”family.

It did not work much with the girls in first year this time so I asked my mother to give me a makeover (I realize as I write these lines that at home I’m still dressed in tracksuit too oversized like before my makeover). I kissed my first chick at the age of 17, while of course making her believe that I already had girlfriends before, and I slept with her the following year for the first time in the bed of her parents. It was really bad and she did not let me finish … too frustrating for me, my youth. I had even made a fake anonymous account MSN to speak to the hotties of the high school over whom I fantasized in secret.

All that to say that over time, all my friends are gone. I have not kept real ones. My two closest childhood friends have lost their parents (one from a heart attack, another from cancer). They moved after that. One of my college professors, father of a guy I know, too, also died when I was young. Heart attack. I am surrounded by quick deaths.

In fact, if I decided to change in high school, it was because my mother was going to find out that if I was not popular, I had no success with girls, etc. Already I was not the first in school like her, I could not disappoint her by showing her that I was a loser. She told me that all the time that I was cute and I could get all the girls at my feet later, etc.

Even today, I think I have only superficial friendships, and I’m used to the fact people betray me, disappoint me, use me or take me for a fool. I’ve learned to always make efforts for others, always giving, etc. but basically I am perhaps a pigeon. I think I am a rather intelligent person but I think it is in part a problem.

– My girlfriends –

These are often girls with problem. 2 were raped, one who struggles against her anorexia. I think I have a superhero syndrome. I always reached out and helped the eccentrics even if I also spoke with popular people.

When I sleep with girls, 2/3 per month on average for several years, I make them come before my own pleasure. It’s clear for me : I fuck as many chicks because I tell myself that I must live fast, it’s still better than nothing it’s taken on life, and it will make so many people remember me as a good thing after my death. In practice, some hate you after sleeping with you even if they enjoyed like madwomen (because you do not want a couple).

When I started to believe I was going to die, I was 20 years old, I put in the fridge some of my sperm and wrote a letter to my parents to tell them what to do with it. Today, I sometimes think about donating sperm to be sure to have offspring. As if I had precious genes to perpetuate. And since I am the only son of my mother …

I think I also a white child sexuality and it made me suffer. That’s why I like it so much today, even if it is sometimes unhealthy, banging some young girls from high school.

– My relationship with work –

I always heard my parents say that their work was painful (teachers). They were punctured. They were doing the worst job in the world. They were too tired. That before it was good, but now it had become hellish.

My father even told me once that it was normal that work pisses you off. You have to suffer a lot in your life for the privilege to live happy moments.

If I chose to study a DSCG, I think it’s because it was a very difficult degree that few people are able to have. Being chartered accountant is doctoral level, level 10 of education in France. I still wanted to apply once the family motto is: “When you do not know what to do, make yourself suffer a maximum”. In the second year of IUT, I made a really boring internship, fact that should have immunized me against the public accounting profession.

My mother told me when I had the DCG “Now if something happens you me I will be quiet, you can make your life.”

And now that I have the master, she said, “and well now I am very worried, you have to find you a job so I may be reassured. I will not be quiet before you are installed in life, etc.”

She, she said she would never have done teacher, she would have been happier if she had listened to her mother and had worked in the Bank of France. She says she was eligible for ENA etc. Damn it puts super high the bar challenge!

– My suicidal attitude –

Before my first big anxiety attack, I was drunk and I got in the car of a guy as drunk as me to go home. I was scared and I think I wondered what my mother would think of me if we had died and found myself intoxicated after an accident on the highway. For my defense, a weird guy in my prom had given me a glass “so that I have more fun” and I had drunk it I think that I was given drugs.

I often fucked chicks without condoms. I did not expect to get AIDS of course, I was even afraid of it, but I think I put myself in the challenge. Challenge to earn to live or something like that.

When I got mugged by four drug addicts, I thought I deserved it. I have not to hang out at night and it was normal I was punished … it was well done. I just lived it as a fatality.

Before the attack, I did a bad thing to a drug addict alcoholic boxer who also went out a lot in Aix. For almost 2 years, I went out in the city, in the same places than him, anxious each time to meet him … I scanned everywhere. I think that deep down I wanted to make me hurt the face. Or that God decides whether or not I deserve correction. Apparently not. Then I think I have more or less “fixed it” since.

– My addictions –

For years I masturbated every day. Even when I fucked a girl before, or before I fucked a girl. Now I’m not daring anymore because I say to myself that maybe I will die of it and people will find me killed me by a handjob death due to heart … and it will a shame.

The sport. The same, I do not do it because anymore I’m afraid of dying but otherwise I was doing eight hours per week just a few months ago. One of our teachers had filmed us and I was potted he had diffused that in front of the class they were all laughing out loud.

When I was a kid on the other hand, I was not much good in sport. In middle school, my main teacher (sport) asked me what I wanted to do, I answered “writer.” I hated ACROGYM. It seems that I was not strong and was very clumsy when I was young. That’s what I always heard. My mother had even hired for me a personal sports teacher at a time.

Later in high school, I hated climbing. It frightened me. Although I had not really dizzy, I made sure to make me deliver.

When I was young I assumed nothing. In the morning I enjoyed watching Pokemon but when my parents went into the hallway, I zapped. I pretended to be trying to do anything else or watch a cultural thing. There was other stuff like that I liked, that people of my age watched, but my parents said it was “bullshit”. Just as I was hiding shamefully until late I had kissed a girl, I hid for long I was still playing Pokemon (too ashamed). Okay now I don’t play anymore but well.

– The hidden face of my parents –

Last night I spent the evening at home with Virginie (my girlfriend). My parents had gone to dinner with friends. I had spent a good evening and I felt fairly well. We were lying on my bed this morning around 11am, as we read on the computer. My mother came home around noon, not since 5 minutes I heard already yelling after me in the hallway and slamming doors as usual. After a moment, she completely broke down and went back to my room to yell at me in front of my girlfriend in underwear. Jealous of her? Anyway, I’m not someone who is a victim of your nerves like when I was 5 years old !!! It’s a shame !

Basically, she reproached me (shouting and ordering me not to interrupt because her argument is “flawless”) to have put some land yesterday by returning the machine (instead of appreciating that I thought to return it). She asks me what I will do to “fix it” and remember me that she is not my “boy”. I replied that I do not know, I will do what she wants and she told me I should take vacuuming (my mother is obsessed with cleaning and storage).

What did she do immediately after ?! She goes into the living room and vacuuming (preventing me from doing so). It’s very clever on her part, she can continue to complain about me: I find it really unfair. My father found it a little hard but does not tell her in person, because otherwise I would take on the chin too, then he does the ostrich. He did the same with his mother who is abhorrent to him but he continues to do a lot to please her. It’s not very alpha.

Finally here, a day that started well but is completely wasted when it was not yet noon. I brought Virginie home and she told me that even when she argues with her mother, it is not that huge. The thing is, there it was soft … precisely because Virginie was here.

When I came back, my mother said, “do you talk to me anymore?
– No, useless you want to apologize
– I want to excuse myself on the form but not in substance
– Too bad so we’ll talk when you’ll apologize completely”
And then she leaves in hysterics to prove she’s right. After she phones to her friends and laugh by telling her wrong version of the events. I think I’ve always learned to live in stress … Young yet, I heard a cart of the XVIIIth century at night or then steps in the corridor while there was nobody it is strange!

Following that (the fight not the cart), we did not talk during two days.

When I was a kind, until the age of 10-11 years old, my mother was like that regularly. When my father was trying to say something, he was attacked, so sometimes he complained … but gentle with me in the bathroom. One day, while my mother threatened for the umpteenth time to leave my father because he was “soft, deaf, and other-stuff-that-are-not-nice,” I said I would go to live with my father, and I took a slap. Other times, I tried to scream as loud as her so she keeps quiet, but she began to cry and say I reminded her of her father who frightened her when he shouted at her. In short she is victimizing, and my father flew to his aid against me by saying that it’s a shame to make your mother cry.

Finally, they never divorced, but she often told stories about how much she would have been happier with this or that guy she had known in the past. She adds that the only thing she does not regret in life is making me. It brings me a lot of pressure on my shoulders. Besides, I remember hearing her saying that if one day something happened to me, her life would have no meaning. This is too heavy a burden for me. I think my mother threw me a tremendous sense of guilt, that prevents me from living selfishly for me because if I left, I would give up on her.

She always had the gift to make me feel guilty. When I was young, I often hear “I am not your broom wagon” or “I’m not your boy” while collecting the laundry. Another example of what she likes to do: she puts a laundry basket outside my door for me to range. 5 minutes after, she comes back with a bang in my room complaining that I did not do it and starts doing it all by saying that I would never do it and she left me a chance. With her, you always have to do everything in the second and in her own way. It thus makes me a little dependent on her anyway, at least in my head, because if I listen carefully without her I would live in filth, in a mess, I would not even know me to eat properly (that is not true – I lived alone in Aix until recently). In general, she oversees everything I do, is pretty directing for my life and pushes me to make the choices that she finds good (but not necessarily that she would have made for her). Last year, I wanted to move in Lyon (and I still want) my mom said OK but I need someone to come with me to look with you for a place where you feel good and you must of course find a job before moving … basically, it requires a detailed plan to let me go, which is impossible to do from away … and so it makes me unconsciously stay while giving her good conscience saying she wants to see me leaving and my presence is a weigh.

My mother is very unfair in the sense that she will complain anyway. It is in bad faith when she claims that if I had done this instead of that, she would not be upset … the truth is that she would upset anyway and for another reason as unjust as the first ones. Besides, I have often heard “when I retire, I’ll finally be quiet, so I can travel.” It’s been three years since she is: she left 1 time for five days. She supposedly expects my father to take initiatives but he is a homebody/wild so when I was 15-16 it’s me who was doing the “young company man” as she says: I went out to the shops or stuff like that with her. Her stupid expressions always put me ill at ease as when she called me in front of people “my lupette” and then when I was with a friend she said “your boyfriend is” … – I’m not fucking gay! – Rohlala it’s just a figure of speech (and the next time she began as if I had said nothing). Oh yeah, and she never apologize.

One day she came home from school as often berserk (I was in first year of middle school) and I waited at home. She went in and started to say that I was a pain in her ass and I said YES I FUCK YOU. There, she sent me to a shrink. In two sessions, he had “solved the problem”. Basically, “shut up and complies with all that said your mother, she’s always right.” I still have this phrase that resonates in my head, for example when my brother bought his house: my mother said it was a crap. I wondered why my brother persisted in buying this house while my mother “gives always good advice and is rarely wrong.” It’s my way of thinking that is biased. And the fact that I always want to please her.

This summer, instead of admitting that I had a psychological problem (which would have made my mother feel guilty for missing the education she had put a point of honor to give me even when her friends said it was not right what she did because she wanted to do differently): I preferred to go to the internal medicine hospital to look for what rare disease I could have.

A theory that may be admissible on my anxiety attacks, I feel guilty for wanting to leave and live for me. Maybe I psycho-somatic punishe myself wanting to get away from my mother and live for myself, selfishly … besides my mother often said guys are “cowardly and selfish.” Help !!! Actually what I like about my girlfriend is that she is sweet, HER. Although in some ways she looks like my mother (little brunette nerd).

Should I admit once and for all that my mother is bi-polar? My mother does not feel crazy because she sees a psychiatrist who told her she was in normal and that it is the others who are crazy. For example, once she was not promoted so she yelled at chief and his psychiatrist told her that it was a good idea. With that said, she will never admit she yells. She says she “speaks loudly.” Me, it traumatized me.

Once a woman’s voice is rising now it drives me crazy I feel like I want to insult her.

Maybe my (half) brother leaves us by saying that I am as crazy like my mother and it’s unhealthy to keep in touch with me. And maybe he’s right. I do not know…

If I observe how my mother was with her parents and how my father is with his mother, they made crates for their parents to be happy and especially … NOT TO FEEL GUILTY WHEN THEY WILL BE DEAD. So I anchored myself this model to crush me and put their welfare before mine. Is it their death which I dread in fact?

My mother is full of latent aggression and I cannot answer anything if I go stronger than her my father intervenes, if I do not face her she wins … and arguing is impossible because of her bad faith . Perhaps my anxiety attacks are a kind of protection that I have tried and I cannot get rid of. For example, this summer, I was very ill and she had gone to a lunch with her friends: I had to make room for the evening. She returned at 8pm and told me that my rice was overcooked (just a little actually) and so I missed her respect by giving her the block for dog food. Basically, even when I’m sad, she’s selfishly likely to use me as a punching bag even if it gives me a panic attack me, it looks like she does not care.

Which brings me to a final thought. I plunged a little depressed after I failed the examination at the end of 2013 and came back gradually living with my parents. I slowly handed in her cut, which may explain my current state. But why was I drawn to the house then? And why is this one the only place where I feel almost safe? Also, this failure has made her insane and she sent lots of letters (even to the President of the republic in secret) and lots of other people, she yelled at the Ministry … maybe I blamed myself for having failed and seen her in this state because of me hurt me. What might once again sticking with my guilt.

We can look super complicated stuff like the fact that my aunt committed suicide and I have to lie to my grandmother or like the fact that my grandfather died in a nursing home when I could have insisted so we keep him at home. Or maybe my problem is that I cannot detach myself from my mother, simply? Not enough confidence in myself. Even in Aix I am under her influence (her apartment belong to her). Strange thing (by making an analysis we find weird things) the former landlord was called like my grandfather and I still received mails in the name of Mister Martin.

If I was totally objective, I should blame her for that. But on the other hand, she is herself a victim of something and I just cannot help her to get by. These panic attacks may be a handicap for me but they give me an excuse to do not leave home. But it’s over, the bullshit. I think I’ll jump without parachute and go away to test this theory. If it does not work, I do not know what else I will do … life has become very hard for me.

I feel like I have tried everything except antidepressants. So I’ll take some if I have not enough energy to do without. In addition to what I mentioned earlier, I also tried:
– Ericksonian hypnosis (to try to force the mourning of my grandfather but I just cried like a fountain)
– During hypnosis I saw myself s a kid in a prison which door was open but I stayed there looking out through the bars of the window
– Different schemes: no gluten free, dairy no dairy products, etc (even a mono-diet of bananas)
– Yoga, tai-chi, qi-gong……

But my condition is getting worse. Since I saw Supercondriaque, and the guy dies quickly of a stroke, I’m afraid of myocardial AND attack (I should lodge a complaint against Dany Boon). So when things are not good I have a new dirty habit : I force myself to smile to see if everything works (you cannot smile if you are suffering a stroke). I always check the symptoms on Google!

Having said that, when I speak about it around me I notice that a lot of people makes anxiety attacks but does not speak about it: another shameful subject like sex. Thus I decided to speak about it!

Now you know my most intimate secrets … May the God of the Game be with us!

December 13 2014,

I am full of hate!

I do not know if you can even imagine how much hate I feel for Padawan!

After my last FR that criticized a little him, Padawan was upset. So what did he do? He copied and sent it to the chicks we both know in common.

Several came talked to me, angry, saying that I was calling them “poor pussy” or I do not know what. And they hold me to account. So: did they go to shit for not much or did he change the words in my FR before sending it in order to be sure to offend them? We will never know but I highly suspect it. In any case, it’s a shame : When you’re the wingman of someone, you cannot do things like that as soon as someone question you. Should be a little more humble. And I will follow this example myself in the future.

His justification “From the moment you talk about me I do not see what is the problem. So shut up, cordially J “

Trust is broken down.

I have always said good things about Padawan and hidden his defects in my FR … so that today: he is too much big-headd. When a girl does not want him (often) she is an idiot who does not understand life even though she was great before, when he still thought he could fuck her. I’m a guy who always tries to speak positively about others, never on their back, but it brings me that crap. Why ???

So I’ll unpack my bag. To purge myself. It will do me some good, especially since he is not for nothing in my depression. He contaminated me with his conspiracy theories and social phobias. Finally, this is what I think. I will develop. I will especially try to stay lucid and to consider his arguments too. Maybe he was right, and I’m really more stupid than I think I am, after all. In any case it is impossible for me to be white as sperm snow.

Small portrait of Padawan:

Padawan is a guy who claims to be officially misanthropist. He hates people. He does not talk to anyone but always his same 3 or 4 friends geeks. Personally, he moved me away from all my other friends because he convinced me that they were not disreputable just because they drank alcohol and/or smoke. I was stupid enough to listen to him…

All those who do not eat organic and do not do 2 hours of sport per day are pussies, he said. Indeed, it is necessary to be ready to survive when we will have the revolution in France thus he train to fast for weeks and everything! His delirium is the army, but he will not join. He loves authority, discipline, intransigence. But just when he is one who commands.

His communication skills are close to zero: since high school people find him weird, nobody likes him. Except me, who always gives a chance to everyone. That is objective to say that he is rigid and full of principles. He denigrates anyone and I realize that I started to do the same, which does not make me very happy.

His deep belief is that you can not succeed if you are not Jewish. All those who succeed are Jewish or have converted. It is for this reason that he tries nothing to succeed in life. According to him, Jews govern us, use us… and if we enter the system (by working) we are working for them so it’s not worth it.

Their goal ? They can buy a spaceship and leave us when the Earth will be destroyed by pollution (it’s true that he told me that). He is hyper racist and drinks the words of Dieudonné.

Oh sorry, I forgot, there’s not only Jews that use us. There’s also pedophiles who govern us. They are either Jews or pedophiles those who have the power … and they sacrifice children in rituals and cops stifle business. His evidence: there’s evidence on Youtube! In fact, if I understood well everything, there are even sects (like Franc-massons or Illuminatis) that govern people who have the power who would be only pawns and oblige them to do what they want. Everybody lies to us!

Those in power want us to die, they hate us, they put poison in the food so that we all become sterile! Once I had invited him in a evening pancakes at my home, he had come but had eaten nothing and had explained to everybody that it was some shit. A few weeks later he had a date and invited a girl in at a pancakes-shop. Look for the error!

He is super preachy: for example, if you’re sick it’s necessarily because 2 years ago you drank alcohol (he told me that it was the cause of my depression) or because you took some Roaccutane (he took some too). There is always a New Age explanation to make you guilty to everything !

Everything can be explained by what he calls “lifestyle”. I realized later that this is a way for people who fear death to go away from it intellectually. “I cannot die because I go in for sports and eat organic food.” At the beginning it is good because you progress but after it is TOO MUCH, he has no limit, and you explode because he is never satisfied nor encouraging and absolutely not teacher (ex: to motivate you he calls you pussy it is never good enough for him). Roughly, he feels good in a domain thus takes advantage of it to criticize everybody… As soon as he sees a guy an actor or whoever topless who has a hotter body than him he claims that he necessarily takes products. And the only sport which is good it is the tae kwon do all the rest is fatal.

Besides that, he is inhabited by Hate. He calls people big bacons “, or “shit bags profiteers” and asks the RSA. He spends his days on his computer or on his guitar. He so much has nothing to do nothing that he recognizes in bars the girls who are on Adopt even if he did not speak to them. He just goes out at night to “do push-up” in the park. And if you do not go with him, you’re a “pussy gay”. He hates the fat but that doesn’t prevented him from banging one. He hates the smokers, claims that they have the pussy dry and that he can see the difference, but that does not prevent him from dipping his dick there!

Doctors cannot be trusted, do not respect them. To cure : you just eat organic and play sports. The doctors even want you to be sick to be paid. They have contracts with labs and prescribe you meds that you do not need even if they hurt you just to earn commissions.

He sees the worst in the human beings. Once he decided to drive a girl met on Adopt, he found that it was too easy to pick her up in his car, then he freaked out that that is an ambush by procurers. Just writing all that, it drives me crazy! How to live with such beliefs? I understand that I became depressed.

I think he was traumatized because he was lonely when young (a Gothic in a high school full of gold coins). And also by the fact that his mother left his father to start a new life away. Only to say that the metal is the only good music because it delivers a message not commercial and that all the rest it is necessarily some shit, it is not very normal.

Well, I probably forgot some stuff but I think he had enough.

Before finishing, one last anecdote that describes well the character: we had gone in a medicine party, he had paid the entry €10then had gone off the deep end and did not want to approach so he sat on a bench in the entrance of the club and had spent the whole evening alone on his phone there. On our way back: crisis of nerve, “never again party like that, I don’t want to kiss alcoholics, that does not interest me, etc.” The next week he wanted to go back there with me in the eparty, I confronted him, he admitted that he has some approach anxiety. OK…

The last conversation with Padawan (commented):            

Padawan: I personally will stop to write some FR… it’s useless it’s to seek recognition… to what end? To become like Soral ?

Comment: 1) he did not write much FR anyway since he did not fuck since I don’t go out with him 2) like that at least he is sure that I cannot do the same thing and poke all his targets. While playing the “good guy who is above that.”

Cyprineman: you got a conscience crisis or what? it vexes you we can get you back into question? admit that you did something stupid and we forget it … it personally disappointed me a little then do not play the victim
Padawan: stop your techniques it works only on weak minds
Comment: Note that this is his great fear, being a weak mind. He criticizes everybody, society and everything. We’re all idiots. Besides that, he still lives with his father (he calls him stupid just because he drinks Coke) while he has his chemistry bac+3 degree and stopped his studies 2 years ago. He has no job, postulates nowhere and ask the RSA but calls everyone parasites.

Cyprineman: noone can tell you anything that is a problem
Padawan: the one who cries it is you huh
Cyprineman: normal well … we should let you do everything and never tell you anything
Padawan: I did not do anything and you know it very well it’s your ego that is talking
Cyprineman: yesssssssss that’s why you did it in secret while usually you send me message during 48 every time you talk to a girl I get a pad on Facebook or by SMS
Padawan: I do not owe you an account
Cyprineman: yeah well then just when you send pokes, lock chicks I have not fucked and you’ve not read like my FR about her before like that you’ll really owe me nothing … why you do not want to admit that you abused?
Padawan : but it is you who assume that I owe you something it is the comeback of the paranoid lol I told you these manipulation techniques do not work

Comment: I still have not understood why he says I was using special manipulation techniques there. And he calls me paranoid (maybe I am a bit with everytime I have been taken for a fool in my life) but I feel he is as much or more than me.

Cyprineman : I am not manipulating, I ask you a question and you’re avoiding
Padawan: wrong! you ask a question with a statement inside it’s called manipulation
Cyprineman: I see that you’re an incredible bad faith

Comment: maybe I manipulate but I did not notice it even by rereading several times. You will say that this FR is a manipulation in itself but I put the full conversation so I hope I will remain objective although of course I spend all this through the filter of my rancor (how can I do other way?)

Cyprineman: You pokes chicks I fucked knowing it well (it lasts for several years)
Padawan: so what?
Cyprineman: now it’s over the pokes of chicks when you know that I have fucked or I’ll believe you used me
Padawan: I used you absolutely not and I do what I want J

Comment: this, it means “talk to my ass my head is sick.”

Padawan: you expose yourself on the Internet by telling everything that is a bit naive
Cyprineman I know all your sex stories and I’ve never do something in your back not even just poking a girl you targeted
Padawan: nothing prevented you from that
Cyprineman: you are hypocritical

Comment: it is a little easier for him to say that no? The rules and respect are just for others and we are stupid if we fold it to live in community?

Padawan: So ok if you have a girl in your friend list she is locked
Cyprineman: nevermind

Comment: there it is a rhetorical technique where you push the argument of you interlocutor to the extreme in order to make it absurd. And I am the one who uses techniques of manipulation??

Padawan: ok but I will still poke in your friends list;)
Cyprineman: because you’re a selfish to whom we can say nothing then
Padawan: yes yes I am a big selfish that’s true that’s why I made logos & videos for you and I defended you in the street

Comment: for logos and videos remind he uses on his website as ad to sell his designer services (nobody actually buys because he has not the slightest degree). About having defended me in the street two years ago “thank you” but remember that if he was not there I would not have sat down on the floor in front of my home with him until 5am and none of this would have happened (and I would not have post-traumatic stress). And he defended himself too.

Cyprineman: You have both disappointed me (him and The metallers who is his best friend) in quick succession and I am willing to move on if you stop systematically trying to pick up the chicks I fucked
Padawan: I say nothing anymore
Cyprineman: normal there, it destabilizes you a little then you do not answer anymore Mr. Padawan is always right
Padawan: it does not work your techniques of pussy

Comment: of course, he did not say anything when short of arguments. It avoids saying something stupid, btw.

Cyprineman: I’m not happy about something that you did, what crime of lese majesty! Always say amen when it’s Padawan
Padawan: you’re not even able to understand when you’re trolled or not
Cyprineman: and yeah I’m too stupid and you’re too smart
Padawan: oh yes

Comment: After they tell you it was some humor and you have understood nothing! Easy, the exit door! After with the metallers, they believe to be superior intelligences, to be right about everything, the others are just idiots who do not think for themselves. But ultimately, are they sure to be so smart? One is unemployed, has intensified in high school and has just a little license of chemistry. The other (who claims to be misanthrope too) does a thesis of course but it lasts for 5 years I guess and he doesn’t want to work alongside. They are both intolerant and encourage mutually! With them it is everything or nothing eg before they liked everything on my blog and made my advertising and everything then from the day when I told them that I was fed up with their practices they stopped everything and began to denigrate me by using what they adored before to criticize me.

Cyprineman: so much the better, unlike you, my goal is not to annoy you
Padawan: me neither … your reaction is disproportionate! all that for a territory to prove you’re the biggest dick because we’ve been bullied when you were younger

Comment: There it is interesting because the long haired up to the ass Gothic that nobody liked in high school and that no-one was talking to … it was him.

Cyprineman: I must first find them and fuck them so you to feel the balls to game them rather effectively
Padawan: I will signal that I do the same with others huh my rabbit
Cyprineman: other you kiss but who never call you back that’s weird huh
Padawan: you know very well that it is statistically it happened three times because I’m tired of all this precisely
Cyprineman: statistics, they increase when aiming chicks I fucked
Padawan: this is normal those chicks are open they were not frightened by the womanizer you are
Cyprineman: they are open because I opened them yes, and because I put them in good conditions … the situation is unblocked
Padawan: you’re like john or Soral you have a problem with your dick
Cyprineman: it makes me feel used and taken in traitor by a guy who said he is my friend … and when I tell him to change habits that bother me, he answers no
Padawan: if I had taken you in traitor I would not even have told you I’d poked them
Cyprineman: yes, of course, you’ve vaguely told me three months after doing so… when she started to answer

Comment: the argument “you got a problem with your cock.” It’s funny, I could get out the opposite argument “you’re frustrated because you do not have sex.” In any cases, you’re fucked with this logic.

Cyprineman: it is you who hate Jews, I hate noone eh
Padawan: not related but well Soral is a degenerate cock
Cyprineman: yes the link is Soral. Well I told you what bothers me, will you stop doing it?
Padawan: Because you won’t speak to me about your conquests and you’ll keep anonyma them how you do want that it happens again?
Cyprineman: it’s a shame that I have to get there

Comment: there he is pissed off because I did not tell him who is Red pants.

Padawan: Imagine you fuck a girl and I think that’s the woman of my life … I do not have the right of poking her? and I have to live frustrated because I have to respect your territory?
Cyprineman: The banker, for example, she was the woman of your life? or you’ve tried to pick her up to empty your balls?
Padawan: well I cannot know without having fucked them 😉
Cyprineman: ok this is you want to take me for a fool again
Padawan: stop making the child

Comment: yes, there he really takes me for a fool. I am up against a wall of bad faith.

Padawan: you know I’m sometimes sentimental
Cyprineman: when it suits you yeah
Padawan: I signal you that I am like that and you have not managed to change me huh … you trained me (I did not say it was wrong)

Comment: now he pretends to be a too romantic guy who is a victim of my influence of asshole. Meanwhile: it is not me who broke the arm of a girl in a party just because she had upset me.

Padawan : but now we are having a discussion of girl
Comment: yeah, the guys fix it in the blood, it is well known.
Padawan: no woman is yours

Comment: yes, but I never said anything like that.

Cyprineman: when you send profiles chicks you’re trying to pick up on tinder, I should send a poke everytime then
Padawan: If you want

Comment: it is easy to want to push myself to be as petty as him to be able to blame me then.

Cyprineman: I’m not like that … if you do not understand that these practices are not correct then this is serious
Padawan: a girl that you fucked will not have to choose while if neither of us did … we both occupies his mind and his time
Cyprineman: well then it’s me who does the job every time and you pick up after

Comment: I basically fight all the chicks fears about one night stands, I fuck them well so that they will want to have other plans like this and he comes after me and picks. In return for ten bitches he fucked thanks to me, he had to introduce myself to two in all and for all. It’s better than nothing but by doing so he hoped I fail! To prove that he had the biggest dick precisely! I think that one of his main problem is the envy. The logic of the envy is we are not jealous of a millionaire but of a buddy who won at the bingo, yes. Because at one moment we felt “on an equal footing”. He has almost never wanted to open a book (nor even a thing about the game) but because he began seeing frequently me he began to be mad at me to be more successful than him. It’s human !

Cyprineman: I am a wholesale pigeon
Padawan: well you’re going to complain

Comment: if I got it, you can strip the money to a guy if he is rich. Robin Hood !

Padawan: ok stop you’re sick … continue EMDR I hope it will usefull
Cyprineman: I’m treating myself at least

Comment: it was not only to have the last word that I said it, I really think he has a big problem. Maybe even worse than me because he is completely in denial.

Padawan: I expected that
Cyprineman: I ask you not much
Padawan: no you’re doing it alone so handle your shit

Comment: there he is offended. I had touched a nerve.

Cyprineman: lol you reject me for girls it is serious dude
Padawan: you tell yourself that you are strong then fend for yourself
Cyprineman: it is a pity that you don’t want to do any effort on it I do not understand why you do it
Padawan: sorry I do not want to live again what I lived with L**** and with now a friend, this time I will preserve myself good luck

Comment: L**** is a girl who was raped and then twisted on antidepressants (his version). L**** is his first girlfriend who cheated on him with a black junkie who then told him she was raped (version of the metallers). In all cases, he recently fucked her again. So well…

Cyprineman: life again what? a friend ? you have a strange concept of friendship
Padawan: shut up now

Comment: I have not understood or is message is unclear?

Cyprineman: I say we forget everything but in the future we do not make the same mistakes… and you’re telling me no, I have to live it how?
Padawan: you tire me know that if you do anything to hurt me I will destroy your reputation
Cyprineman: and then you threaten me to send files?
Padawan: it is a setting not a threat you’re crazy that’s why I’m tired
Cyprineman: oh well I’m a freak?
Padawan: I exaggerate but you understand very well take care of yourself or I do not want to hear from you again
Cyprineman: have you understand that it is you who say no to everything ?
Padawan : you’re hurt and I cannot stand your moods
Cyprineman: there I suggest you not sharing chicks anymore for a healthy friendship
Padawan: I already told you that the problem was not there you think superior you can do anything while pouring in rancor and hatred.

Comment: Of course yes the problem is there. This reaction shows it well.

Padawan: I’ve already explained
Cyprineman: well explain me again and this time I’m listening
Padawan: it’s been months that I tell you even before Stephane told you … you have to stop with your dick and this desire that eats you! there’s only women who push you in life you get up you mess lives you eat to have a seduction harem you do not even fuck and when someone comes and take a woman you are not able to handle this so we’ll stop here you are locked in your bubble of seduction and all that crap (I say bullshit in the sense that it is not healthy not in the sense that it does not work)

Comment: it is totally wrong that. It is not me who get up at 1pm then spend my afternoons on the blog of Soral and Youtube to watch videos of shit then sport during 2h at 7pm then go back on the computer up to 5am. What I mean is that I have other things in my life, me. While there he will tell me he has sport and music. Sport maybe but it is his religion he goes too far with that it’s a problem and he could not do the same if he had a life outside. And the music, if you think one day live thanks to ii (or if you wait for it to happen before leaving your father) you put your finger in the eye up to the elbow.

Cyprineman: well why? I told you: we move on and we do otherwise
Padawan: we will see in some time maybe
Cyprineman: I cannot do more, if you tell me no you reject me and that it’s just excuses
Padawan: there’s no “we will another way” thing because it will always be there
Cyprineman: the problem is that I have a depression and I try to get out without the meds … you sermon “without pills” but you like the metallers who takes whole tubes of anxiolytic … it is less boring
Padawan: No I never wanted him to take medication
Cyprineman: yeah well he took and that’s why he is bearable if not he would be in the same condition even worse than me
Padawan: not necessarily

Comment: the metallers he’s a guy who claps crises alone where he bangs head against the wall, where he insults people on FB, etc. In 2013 he told me that his (single) ex had complained against him for harassment. He said she was a bitch who exaggerated. Now as soon as a girl is interested in him a little bit, it ends she complains of being harassed. And he always denies! I think he does not even realize ! Before, I believed him, until he starts acting like that with me. That day, I understood … so yeah, I think it does him good to take antidepressants. Moreover, the metallers one day started to flirt with a girl that me and Padawan had gang-banged. Miraculously he managed to fuck her (once will not hurt – I still do not understand how or why) and there Padawan felt as bad as me but he made the fake-ass and did nothing and said him nothing. It is me who had a heaache with him. Padawan did not support me, just in the shadows. Maybe he was playing a double game, on reflection, that’s really courageous!

Cyprineman: so you’ve got principles but apparently your comfort always comes first
Padawan: every case is unique
Cyprineman: you reject me because of my depression
Padawan: you want me to all with you

Comment: people, it is often that. Full of principles! But when they have to realize they rarely follow their principles. That’s why the French have followed the Nazis while been able to look in the mirror again after.

Cyprineman: I hope you’ll step back and understand how unfair you’re and you’ll not be too proud to come back to me
Padawan: nothing to do with that I’ll just wait that you’ll feel better

Comment: So, basically, we’re friends but just when I’m not sick. What a little motherfucker! After that I removed him from my Facebook. And I do not regret. I do not want to hurt him but I do not miss him. I prefer to leave him in his world and coming back in real life.

Thereafter, for him?

Now that I will not be there to bring him chicks, what he will do? Going on an online app (ease), take the first coming and to couple with her.

Then call her “pussy” force her to play sports, play the romantic while he is dying to fuck others, to eat organic, only fruits and vegetables, talk to her about his theories about plot, denigrating everything and everyone (especially me I guess), fuck her without condoms because he cannot have AIDS because he makes sport and eat organic (yes he told me that). You understand, his immune system is at his top!

She’ll piss him off, he will call her idiot but won’t tell her. He will stay with her a few months while it no longer works “because a girl with me should be treated like a princess.” Then they’ll break up because she will understand that this guy does more bad than good although at first it can give good advice on the lifestyle, he is way too extreme.

Well, pff. Especially the guy still said a few months that he would not go in a serious relationship with a girl he barely knows, especially if she is not blonde, tall and Nordic. Lately he had a date with a girl but fantasized about her sister, true story.

Completely incoherent, this guy. He said that life was better anywhere else but here. But he never did anything to move. He prefers to remain inactive and lament. And above all, criticizing those who do things.

The positive: I fucked a girl in my car.

I found on Tinder a girl who I was just talking to in high school. We said hello, I made her jokes (I was a clown before) but that’s it. She was cute.

I had not said to her that I recognized her at first (we lost touch after high school) but I told her after sex. Like what, it is never too late to fuck a girl but it’s not a reason to procrastinate.

Online game very classic : I did her the routine questions, one of the most powerful techniques I know and that I give for not much money considering its power in my ebook about seduction online.

When asked about her fantasies, she replied “I want to make love in a car.” I have proposed to carry it out, she played the holy hypocrite but I played the game : the one who reassured her and everything.

We finally went for a drive and I fucked her on my back seat. Not without tachycardia.
Otherwise, the English I mentioned last time, it’s case closed too. But I’m too excited to further develop.

See you later.

I leave you with Padawan’s last FR full of bad faith (3 November 2014):

Yesterday I was on a mission with a pole dancer. I must say that I did not really like her face in the different pictures she had put online but her little body looked firm so I went there!

Place Richelme at 21:15. I finally went on the fountain of the Town Hall Square in the meantime because I was ahead. I must admit I was stressed to death! “And what if she is ugly! I’ll have to bear the whole evening” I said to myself… well my stress has vanished when she arrived. A small blue-eyed brunette pretty class, very very fine and full of good energy! We begin to look for a bar while chatting: it was a misery because it was a Sunday and also because there was a match of the OM (Mongolian Olympic). I let you imagine the atmosphere in the bars … We ended up at the mansion. There were not many people. It’s been a while since I had not gone there.

She takes a mojito and me a virgin mojito … “ying and yang” I said. She then tells me she has just been hypnotized by a guy in a show. So I took the opportunity to say some bullshit. I was a little less relaxed when a band came just next to us to watch the game! Her, she does not care and tells me that she has a difficult past, she saw a guy dying at Les Prêcheurs in her arms … because of a ball. Outch! I also told the aggression of last year … We talk a lot about sport and that, it makes me happy J

The manor then locks so we go onto a bench at Les Cardeurs, she is cold, so I let my hands wander on her back, her thighs. Then we each meet a friend, what reduces the voltage but I manage to raise the temperature quickly. His friend also confused me with her ex! “Yes he had a square face and blue eyes like you! He was handsome” and I answer “I know I am handsome” with the appropriate subtext what makes her blush. Despite my heat, she wants to go in her car. She wanted to go but did not want it to end up there 🙂 She wants to drop me right next to my car, so we leave direction Les Prêcheurs (the place she wants to avoid).

Once there we talk again about hypnosis: she shows me videos it’s pretty crazy, I would like to understand how it works, even to game with! People fall asleep and cannot do anything … She said she is very tired (because of hypnosis and probably alcohol), I took her several times in my arms and she comes next to me to fall asleep then wakes up. At that time, she drools a little … I had already submitted her by the look so I did it again, go deep in my seat. At a moment she started talking I had an impulse, I grabbed her neck and I kissed her. She likes it and so do I, a little shy but very sweet tongue. I shortened it all and quickly went out of her car, as if I was running away. “With a kiss I feel better, let’s go to sleep,” she nods when I get into my car she looks at me still quite upset and happy.

In short, a nice evening! On the other hand, I wonder if she will send me a message … seen what happened with the last two ones, I do not know what block my game right now. It’s strange but I do not feel it, one more time! I forgot to say that throughout the evening, a guy she had seen on Friday (met on Tinder) kept harassing her … unbelievable … I’m glad to have realized the use of the subtext too. I thought about that all evening and I have to say it helped me a lot with the intonation of my voice it’s a formidable weapon! I’ll use it all the time J

Next night out, Tuesday or Wednesday, it depends on my favorite wingman!

The comments :

My answer: if you do not feel it, it’s a good sign because last time you felt it haha!
the subtext it’s a weapon of Cajun, you’ll discover in my translation coming out soon

His answer: Well after I got anxious because I’m afraid that it is repeating. An idea of ​​why and how the blocking point?

My answer: You lecture them too much (and you brag and you clear off as a thief)

His answer: But yesterday I calmed down: p and I did it before … it had not prevented me from going further several times!

My answer: you’ve maybe missed some pretty butts anyway

His answer: Maybe … and you influence me, me too I want 100% :p (1date = 1FC) maybe this is why I am not satisfied. One year and a half ago, it was so awesome for me to kiss a girl this way … Well she did not send the message, I did send one but I knew she was not going to answer. After all, I don’t give a fuck, she’s cute but not much : p

May the God of Game gives us all a penis AND a vagina. It will be easier!