How to handle your couple-relationship (and the possible break-up)

Advises to make a success of a relationship

You have to keep your dominance: reward the good behavior and punish the bad one. For example: by giving her or by removing your attention. Clarify the limits and do not tolerate the bad behavior, it will stop if you are strong.

You must be strong about your limits because you are free to leave at any time. Do not quarrel with her, do not offend her. Do nothing, wait that the storm passes and then start again just like that.

YOU DO NOT GO INTO THE SILLY SMALL GAMES OF OTHERS.

Imagine that you are there to offer her a protection: open doors in a dominant way or walk on the road side, on the pavement. Respect yourself and she will also respect you. Do not explain nor justify yourself all the time. The women love chasing us, thus let them run, that makes them go in for sport! ;)

The responsibility of the virile man it is the sex and not the everyday life relationship! That, it’s more a girl’s thing! Relax, she is going to do the job for you. It is her who calls you most of the time to see you. Do not call her too often. She has to believe that she is more attracted by you than you by her. Do not see her every time you can see her. But she must know that you appreciate her all the same “I like you”. She thinks she puts a lot more than you in the relation and is rewarded by you for her efforts!

Surprise her with little presents (cheap = you remain a challenge) like the CD of a group she likes because you listen carefully what she says. Do not let the relation become too predictable, it would be the best way of killing it. Offer flowers by surprise! Invite her without reason in a secret place.

You accelerate the process of making her fall in love with you by evoking “the fate which led to you to her”. She must be able to live her dreams through you.

Be confident and dominant. Give her positive emotion. Have frequent and good sexual relations. She needs more you than you need her, because you are the best lover of her life. Do not put into words the idea of breaking (never), even negatively (the brain doesn’t know the negation).

Be stable, strong. Be even-tempered. Be in control over on the emotional level, never upset. The woman is relaxed because you take control and decisions. Anyway, if she does not agree, she will let you know, don’t worry about that, and thus you will choose something else. Take the initiative. If she has to take a decision: give her the choice between two or three options.

USE POSITIVE TERMS.

If a woman feels a negative emotion for you, she can lose all the attraction which she had felt until now. It is thus necessary to react correctly! Do not give up to her whims, have your own opinion and your own personality. You are not a dog, right? Then keep your alpha frame. Being a man is an immense responsibility, you are the cornerstone of her life. You must be emotionally strong as a rock. Find a balance between the jerk who slumbers in you and the guy too needy who does not understand why he has a such amazing darling like her so that your relation has a chance of survival. Do not lie, it would be disrespectful. Prefer telling her the truth and not granting it too much importance, she will do the same and then that’s it.

Apologize if you screwed up. Knowing how to put aside your ego when it is necessary is a dominant alpha attitude. On the other hand, apologizing all the time is an attitude of submitted beta male. Say that you are sorry, say exactly why you screwed up and how you plan to correct it in the future. When the girl accepts your excuses (accept that she says that it’s fine) reward her (take her in your arms, and tell her that she is important for you). Then, do not talk any more about the quarrel.

With you, she has to have a feeling of safety, security and intimacy, thus avoid getting angry or snivelling (what a shame) because it demonstrates some insecurity. A trick to avoid losing your cool: control yourself and think of something else. Avoid being in a bad mood, it is an obvious fact that we have more success when we are joyful and relaxed. If she starts a quarrel, then go out and ignore it. If it really disturbs you, it is because you let her affect your reality (in the wrong way). Show that you do not find it serious! It should be noted that sometimes, the women sublimate their sexual desires by provoking quarrels. Do you enjoy becoming reconciled on the pillow?

Do not leave the principle that you have to pay for her for everything nor that they are the weaker and fragile sex. Psychologically, she has to pay enough to feel involved in your relation. Trick: give her some money and ask her to go to pay because when you pay, it is simply because you have a generous nature : you wait for nothing in return.

When you are in a relation, continue to take care of yourself! Avoid problems of alcohol, drug, unemployment …

Saying “I love you” too early is an error (psychological anchoring). It is necessary to say it when we know in 110 % that she feels the same thing, and of course when we are sure that it is the truth and not a finally filled lack of affection. Trick : if we still ask ourselves the question, it is because it is not good. Tell her that “you like her”, it is without risk and you do not put the pressure on her, you should not put her under pressure!

If she uses a lousy excuse to break up, do not take it personally, it is just that you do not attract her anymore: it’s like if SHE became obese. Thus accept your responsibility for what went wrong, and learn to do better the next time on the other hand, if it went well, accept laurels!

From time to time, do not forget to maintain the desire by telling her that you find her body very sexy with your small megasexy half-smile and your naughty eyes. To receive more, give more. Give without caring of what you have already given.

Do not make your girlfriend do something unwillingly, she would lose her affection for you: do not be aggressive.

DO NOT BE AGGRESSIVE.

Think in terms of punishment and reward, no blackmail. Do not ask to the common friends to choose: staying friend with somebody does not have to depend on others. Keep in mind that your ex is valuable people because you made out with. On the other hand, being appreciated by friends and family FIRST is a technique which will push her in your arms THEN.

Tell her that you date her exclusively, only if she asks for it and does the same thing (logic).

Your girlfriend does what she wants with her life, do not thus try to control her but have fun when you are with her.

Do not fully dedicate yourself to your girlfriend, you have other centers of interests which allow you to stand back and to appreciate all the more your darling.

 

Advise for a successful breakup

There is no reason for avoiding your ex or for ignoring her : you are cool and pleasant!

If she considers you as a loser, that is going to be difficult to make adjustment! Already that making a good first impression is difficult then rectifying a bad relationship is very hard… However, if you were her kind submitted and not exciting doggie and that you changed a lot, she can feel it. If it evolves in the right direction, continue what works!

Apparently, the women react better if they think that you abandoned left during your previous relation and that you turned over a new leaf at the moment (rather than the opposite) on condition that you do not specially talk anymore about your ex.

You can sleep with your ex: indeed, when a woman slept with a man, she thinks that it does not count if she goes back to bed with him… but be convinced that there are heaps of women somewhere else who are beautiful and who will know how to take care of you too and why not better than her!

Last point, it is very difficult to remain just “friend” with an ex. In any case, never do the things that she does with her “friends” and “the gays” like waiting for her at the hairdresser’s or the shopping.

What the evolutionary psychology teaches us about the break-up ?

This is about protecting yourself from retaliation of the opponent. First there is the risk of being killed or injured by jealousy, yourself or the new person you have chosen. Then there is the legal risks: the abandoned woman can obtain large amounts from the courts, so putting the man in a delicate situation with his new girlfriend, whom he can sometimes not provide sufficient resources. He should also worry about what will become the children already born: if the woman remarries, they have a higher risk of being killed or abused by their stepfather. Finally, we can mention reputational risks: some secrets or inventions can have devastating effects. It seems that this is the man who has most to fear from a break-up : apart from the initial risk of violence and murder, rare in educated circles, the woman does not have to fear retaliation extended, man being far less rancorous and quickly find ways to move forward. This does not mean that a woman can break up without any risk, she will also gain to be cautious, but the frivolity of the man provides her a natural protection which he does not have and in addition, the law (at least in France) is to her advantage. Learning how to break smoothly, that is to say without suffering retaliation thereafter is a necessity: a mistake at this level can challenge any optimization promised by the change of partner.

It is found that the most dangerous person in a rupture is not necessarily the one who has objectively lost the most, but the one who believes it. A woman may very well have earn a lot in alimony and other aid and yet continue to claim. Similarly, a man can continue to be jealous of the new companions of his ex-wife, and can be dangerous against them, even if he found another woman. It is rare that a break-up is going really well and it is much more common that each one account to the extent of the pride how much he or she lost because of the other. Whoever believe being the loser of the story, whatever the objective reality is, is the most dangerous. This distinction between reality and feeling is essential to understand how to break smoothly. The husband who goes away and whose wife feels humiliated will not win anything if he gives her more money or other things : all these generous attitudes act at the level of the reality, not on the feelings and are totally useless. Many divorce cases show us men who have almost left everything to their wives at the outset of the proceedings and woman continues to sue them forever. The man who thinks buying the pride of his wife is wrong and often pays it dearly.

The only effective way is to act on the feeling. Since the risk is high that someone of the couple feels like losing a lot more than the other during the break-up and establish retaliation, the only solution is that this person is not the other one. The man who has managed to make his wife believe that it was her who left him and that he will lose a lot, not only severely limit the risk of retaliation but perhaps may even benefit from her support later because she will try to stop feeling guilty. Similarly, the woman who will be left before leaving with her lover avoid any fit of jealousy, and maybe get a useful help from her husband. The goal is simple: to do not to suffer of a rupture, the only solution is to make the other believe he or she initiated it.

It is relatively easy for a man to be left by his wife: it is enough to observe all what his wife expects from him and to be systematically heartbreaking on each of these criteria. If the woman has chosen him for his resources or professional future, it will be enough to express concern about his future financial situation, or to show lack of ambition so that she can calls into question her commitment and looks around her the opportunities that present themselves to her. If she wanted him for his macho, distant, cold side, it’s enough for him to cling to his wife, to make her feel all the weight of his love, so she soon leaves and goes elsewhere to get some fresh air. He will have to obviously be careful not to wake up the possible side “nurse” of his wife.

This kind of attitude is extremely effective and it is not certain that it is always conscious. One could even imagine that some depressions, real, are only due to the unconscious brain choice to exactly fill the conditions necessary for the woman to leave. After that, the man will of course complain of being abandoned but in reality he will fully achieved his unspoken objective: Breaking without swirls. For a woman, the right strategy is rather to become the shrew who is hated by the family and close friends of her husband (consciously or not).

It would be ideal that the breakup is going well, without all that shit and all of these manipulations, that everyone honestly notice the couple’s situation and that the decision of rupture is common. The French law btw recognizes this possibility for divorce. However, do not dream too much. Intellectual discussion which could decide the two members for the full shared agreement separation way may not be in phase with each unconscious desires. This is not because everyone will accept this separation on the paper that he or she will not feel like losing too much and seek for revenge.

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