July 4th 2013,
I think I just solved the big mystery of gender relations. According to me, it is about a cybernetic loop of frustration (the snake bites itself the tail). Well I admit that, said this way, it doesn’t look really fun. Then I am going to tell you what happened yesterday evening and you are going to understand everything, trust me.
6pm, I just finished my work, I was completely exploded because I had 35°C of fever: what happens to me when my computer, my phone, the sport, the nights out and my cat prevent me from sleeping during several days (it is not a joke, it has been at least two weeks since I started accumulating lack of sleep). In brief, I went to bed quickly and slept during four hours, so missing the phone call of the Cutie of Toulon with whom I sleep from time to time. She called me to say that she was in Aix for an improvised walk and wanted to see me. I answered when I woke up at about 10 pm, what allowed me to learn that she was in tears and lost somewhere near the faculty of law. A real drama, especially because I like very much this girl. I thus went there to pick her up and she told me her misfortunes.
“You did not answer then I visited a friend and we made an improvised party where this guy who tries to pick up me for 9 months came. I eventually gave up and had a bedtime with him in a room then he called his buddies by crying out proudly as a king on his throne that he had finally fucked me. Feeling the shame on me, I ran away. Fucked like a dog and thrown like a shit by a guy who has a hard time for ages… you don’t care, you, to wait and to compliment non-stop, because when you had sex, that’s it you won.” We cannot blame her, actually, when we succeed in penetrating into the cave crowned of a girl: it means winning the match even if the score was 0-130 and that we caught the Golden Snitch. In brief, it is because there are guys like him that the guys like me are constantly obliged to justify themselves with the women and have to thwart a whole lot of traps. As for myself, in spite of appearances, the discretion is my strong point: by changing details of the stories and the names of the girls, it becomes almost impossible for people to know about whom I write. It is true, fuck, I am not a dangerous psycho, just an experimenter, a little bit crazy scholar who studies gender relations …
Thus here we are, I returned her at my home because she was hungry. First concession: I made her something to eat while I do not normally eat in the evening. The second concession: I underwent her not-really-original complaints “the guys are all jerks and I will never sleep again (knowing that she is in couple with a great NICE GUY (and cheated on him))”. Because I was too kind to tell her “shut up”, I lost little by little the attraction she felt for me (too good, too stupid). May it teach me a lesson. From there, I knew that I could draw a cross on the bit of nooky (which would nevertheless have made both of us feel better… after two orgasms or three, I bet that we would have seen everything through rose-colored glasses). As a result, so much making profitable the thing: I offered myself shrink’s free session. I got it off my chest, in my turn, (it is true that it makes one feel good).
“You know, darling, when I was younger, I did not really interest the girls because I was too kind:
– I remember, at the beginning of my high school years, there was this girl about whom I thought during a long time that she would be the woman of my life and the mother of my children. She hardened me and changed me. Tall green-eyed brunette, I liked her physically but it is especially at the level of the personalities that it was incredible. We first had a little bit knackered date… well, let’s say that I made all the possible mistakes in particular speaking to her about another girl I liked. I had to wait for an eternity after that so that she comes to my place and when I began to shyly make love to her on my bed, my parents came back home and we broke off. Then, she started a relationship with a guy and I had to wait a long time to enjoy her lips again. Then, we made out together in the parties and everything then she invited me (logically) to sleep at her place. In the bed, I tried to kiss her and she put her teddy bear between us then casually turned the back to me all night long. I should maybe have insisted and used the strength but I had too much respect for her. At the time, I thought that I had to learn how to make girl want me while I should in fact have to learn how to really want to fuck just one: SHE. More recently, having read my blog, she killed me “we have nothing in common anymore, we do not understand each other anymore, you will finish in a reality TV show then I do not want to see you any more”. Hard! Especially if we realize that it is her who, with the complicity of two or three other chicks, made of me what I am today : namely a broken heart who tries to reconstruct and floods daily his sorrow in the cyprine).
– This story reminds me another one, with a blonde girl this time. She told me how her ex hurt her and everything and that she was unhappy with him, whereas me, I was adorable. But as soon as that became concretely hot between us like this time when by walking her home after a party, I wildly undressed her, fingered her and she stopped me. This comedy lasted about three months before I ended it by cutting any contact to protect myself. I was already enough bashed up like that, the more that would have lasted, the more I would have had of aftereffects!!! In brief, before I was romantic but how can one stay romantic in such a thankless world? Seriously, the devourers of apples, don’t come and say that you feel bad after that… it is not for nothing that at the end of The Game, Mystery ends in a psychiatric hospital.
– One last more recent story but which illustrates well the phenomenon about which I speak. I had decided to make this POSH girl have a hard time waiting 10 DATES before making love to her. As a result: I did not even arrive at the eighth date. Comment of my buddy of Toulon: “the girls like her who look POSH, it is often the dirtiest, they like being dominated in the bed and soiled. If a girl tells you: me, I am so beautiful, everybody likes me and I can have who I want… she lies, nobody is like that, we constantly need to prove to ourselves that we can seduce”. Without falling in extremes, conclusion is that the girls complain that the guys are all jerks except that it is them who urge us to be like that, and those who are not labelled like that do not interest them if they are not handsome, rich or famous. Then this shitty hypocrisy, this moaning and this cinema slowly make me chuckle. As says so well a big contemporary poet (Booba) “Life is hard this is why we all cry in the birth”.
Let’s go back to the subject : my buddy of Toulon refused that I kiss her “don’t fucking kiss me, I don’t want to be touched” then I told her “listen to me, love, you are going to sleep on the sofa because hot as you are if you come in my bed I am going to be strained all night long and I will not snooze.
– You are really cute.
– Thanks but I don’t care if you find me cute or not because if I can’t fuck you, it is useless.” She started to settle down in fire-back there whereas I put myself in boxer on my bed. Then I called her because needed all the same that I took my frustration out on somebody. “Come on here please I have something to tell you.
– Yeah I come.
– Well what I am going to tell you it is not so that you empty my testicles nor to make you feel pity for me. However I want you to realize what you are doing. A guy fucked you and threw you to the street and for that reason you punish the nice guy who welcomes you at his place. Besides, you know very well that I am going to echo my hatred on the next one, who will herself cry in the vest of another one and so on. It is a sacred vicious circle, men and women cannot go out of this, so it is leading us to a merciless cold war. Hello the butterfly effect. Having said that, if instead of making your bullshit with the other one you directly came to my place, we would both have spent a good moment. In brief, go back on the couch now and think about what I have just told you.
– But I don’t want to fuck, thinking of it disgusts me, I am not going to force myself all the same. Besides if you had answered first I would have come directly.
– Yeah me too, that disgusts me to be the first link of the food chain and NO you are not going to force yourself, I don’t want to screw a house plant.
– I have a compromise, I sleep with you this evening and if tomorrow I am still there we do something.
– Yeah let’s do like that, well good night even if that is called manipulation and not a compromise. Indeed, I don’t see why things would be different tomorrow…
– Because we forgive everything when we are in love.
– In love with?
– With a guy who has just fucked me like a shit, who brag with her buddies and thrown me in the street.
– Then, I am in a sense a spare wheel?
– No, you are the only guy with whom I feel good, we are going to go on holiday together on an island and I will come to your marriage, that is going to make me feel weird btw (NB: I have big doubts on the fact that we still see each other in a few years… it is not to be mean or something but life is merciless and then if she does me something like this again, it will be finished forever. I will be inflexible).
– Poor girl… it’s OK because you are young I am sure that if he calls you tomorrow, you go without thinking! So, good night!” Finally here we are, she slept in my arms and this morning I left to go to work. I a little pissed her off by fiddling with her, not in the hope of making love to her but because my animal instinct got the upper hand (when an attractive blonde is half naked next to me, I have drives, even if I know that that it will not lead to a penetration, it is all the same pleasant to fiddle with her nice tits). I would certainly have had to kick her off as soon as she started telling me her fucking life and to not feel sorry for her but we have a relation which I find healthy: we are friends and we assume our physical attraction without complicating things and without jealousy. Well, I guess that my kindness will lose me especially if I make exceptions and agree to pay for the other men. We are not obliged to agree to be the idiot of another one then we are constantly pulled between “good and bad”. It is thus the first and the last time I agree to comfort a girl I like: the kind boys are walked above even if they are warned, it is hard. Finally it is not like if she was a girl with whom I had never made anything but it is still REALLY frustrating. That can certainly seem selfish (question of point of view) except that if you put yourselves three seconds in my place, you will see that it is unfair.
This is the way the world turns, it is a little bit sad… but well. We say that one man’s meat is another man’s poison and it is very true… except that the opposite is true also. The real morality of this fucking story it is that women respect only the strong men (even if they complain about it) and give their affection only to those guys. Now, when you have a moment of weakness, even if it is there that you would the more need a cuddle, you can always ask for it you will never have it… It is thus logically that it is the sperm another guy who degrades at the moment at the bottom of the vagina of my buddy, warm under my braid. Well, it’s OK, I don’t care, but I am convinced that it is because of stories like that, that men find nurture children who do not belong to them.
I don’t even feel bad anymore because of this kind of shit, I’m armored because I undergo at the moment a violent period of reduction of Mo-Djo. Indeed, since the music festival, I accumulate fails. Retrospective:
– 1) next Monday, after a session of intense SPU, I naively returned two girls at my home with me, I hadn’t got that they were full of MDMA then I hadn’t seen coming the fact that they were going to vomit in my lounge. I have kicked them out without fucking them and I won one hour of housework.
– 2) A girl had warmed me then invited on FB to come to destroy her ass at her home. In reality, she spun me a false address hoping that I turn up there. When I got the feint, she blocked me on FB. What did she win doing so? Nothing, just putting back in place a guy who seemed a little too bit confident for her taste. As for myself, I only lost 30 minutes of my life… big deal. That reminded me what did girl of ice cubes at the beginning of the year, my hand to cut that it was a little the same kind of trap, moreover she continues to play with me (believing that I am fooled) by being banged by poor guys who take drugs and who treat her like a shit but I don’t give a damn : it is her pussy thus her life. Moreover, I enjoy suggesting her regularly coming at my place to have orgasms, because it is hilarious to put the pressure on her and to see what excuse she is again going to invent to refuse while letting me hope. When I told it to my buddy of Toulon, she laughed and told me “I have already done it. It is funny to put back guys to their place like that. To make them feel bad. For us, fucking is too easy, that doesn’t interest us in this way… well, making love maybe.” Bullshit. I just see there girls uncomfortable in their own skin who have nothing interesting to do in their life, time to lose/to make me lose and who have things to prove to themselves. If I let myself go, I could feel bad for them.
– 3) This WE in a party, I was also knackered: I have kissed one single girl in 2 hours of crash&burn. We could believe that I am out of luck but it is in fact because I do not believe in it any more. Otherwise, the other night, I meanly sent “have you already made love today? Does that interests you?” to all my FB contacts, by way of therapy. It was certainly funny but they felt the resentment hidden behind these words… So none wanted a rodeo (even those who rwere chasing me a few days earlier). Nevertheless it is what I need : banging a princess to put me back on track. Maybe that I convey at the moment bad energies… I should maybe just rest and wait that it ends…
My buddy continued to cheer me up “you know, if I had based myself on your page FB, I shall never have come see you, but I do not regret. You are thought of as the worst jerk and this is why the girls want to punish you, in the name of all the bad boys who make them suffer in their life. Nevertheless you are rather humble, you do not find yourself too beautiful, you are aware of your qualities and your defects, you are just a true guy. It can be your strength and your weakness. So forget the frustrated girls and go on …”
She is right, we are what we are and needs just to try to do the best with what we have. Even if many are those who try to get in our way. That’s the real wisdom. Then, when I do not feel good, I visualize the great things which I did this year and during all my career of scandalous writer specialized in gender relations. I maybe made mistakes that the jealous and envious persons will blame me for, I maybe made unforgivable errors because I was young and stupid but I also made out with brilliant young ladies. And when I think again about the threesome, I am hard just by talking about it. “Criticism is easy and art is difficult”, that’s the mess …
Fuck, I read enough books of philosophy, personal fulfillment and tantra to get that the real strength it is to be always warm, smiling and authentic in spite of the ambient climate of indifference, even hatred. The real happiness it is not being autistic, Orelsan, that it is the ease. The talent it is not to seduce all the girls we meet but rather to know what is needed or would have been necessary to do in such or such situation, even when we got it all wrong. To maximize his chances and to give it a try, always, to never give up (like Justin), it is the key. Having good values and go on is at the origin of this process. I speak about values based on solid foundations, which showed their abilities. So, when complete morons try to take us for an idiot, well, we know who is the idiot in the end and we do not even need to answer, because we have nothing more to prove (to ourselves or to the others) !!! It is true, fuck, if a girl prefers a slight fag (with the hair full of gel who spends his weekend dead drunk sniffing some coke and having ridiculous moves in a club) to a cultivated guy who has a healthy lifestyle, who succeeds in the finance, and who has nothing effeminate because thinks that the girls are not lesbian, it is maybe that she feels in fact that she is not up to it “to each his own.” But this is another debate. “Pleasing everybody is pleasing nobody.”
Well, I feel much better now. There are all the same intelligent girls on this Earth, who will make the good choice to do not complicate things and enjoy life with complete impunity. And among these valuable women, there will be one who will make me want to build something even if I have to make concessions, because she will stand out. This woman will reconstruct me and can take advantage of everything I have to offer. It is for HER that I do all this, and I hope that if I can’t find her, she will find me the first one…
May the God of the Game be with you !!! <3