I’m now a dilettante player

November 28th 2014,

After Benzema in French national team, after Cavani in PSG and Thauvin in OM… here is : Cyprineman, the man who fucks up goal-scoring opportunities.

I subscribed on Tinder (click for advice to pick up on Tinder), two-three weeks ago, something like that. I’m not saying that there are no interesting girls on this app, there are. I’m not saying not that there are no attractive girls, there are. I’m just saying that I made it for the intellectual side of the online pick up… then that I made some shit at the last moment. For example, I negotiated sometimes hardly a meeting at girls’ flats, in the schedule I wanted, then I didn’t go there (I warned a little all the same even if it was at the last moment … something like 10 minutes before the date).

Why that ? I don’t know, I think that on one hand my anxiety attacks play on my libido. I am not in shape, all the time tired with lousy pains, the fear of bleeding and the ears that whistle. Then on the other hand, the fact that I don’t care of these girls. I mean that in spite of the fact I am kapout for almost 6 months, Virginie always stayed with me, always awesome, she has never disappointed me (needs to say that me too I teach her fundamental things like the carfucking, the streetfucking, the parcfucking and maybe soon the cinema-fucking (I dunno how we does but she always has free tickets)).

Isn’t it finally the ultimate purpose of the game, to find love? I think of all the guys who fuck girls without really liking women, without any real objective … just to prove to themselves things or to take their revenge in the infinity on this girl who rejected them at high school (big up the coach of Marseille !). I think that there are people who look for love all their life, and that we were lucky enough (had the opportunity) to find it, a little bit accidentally (by chance).

I’m not talking about a shitty concept which makes that we are OK together, I speak about a thing that happened in spite of us because none of us looked for love when we met up. And, since then, we are still very good together. It has been one and a half year now since we are in a “so called” open-relationship (“so called” because in the facts I didn’t do much elsewhere recently and she neither). I have affection, sex and love of a girl who is awesome according to my criteria. Sometimes, I don’t feel good, then she comes next to me, in my arms and puts her head on my breast while we watch a cartoon together and we fall asleep in front of as children. So, the game, I am a little about to say to myself that it’s time that we make a break, it and me. Or maybe not… My psychic balance is not very good then I do not know how I would react if I take out a domain of satisfaction of my life … I don’t know if I shall not fall into the darkness.

The main story

I thus game now in dilettante (since a few weeks) girls without any need and often without real desire for them. Indeed, what more could they bring me? However, the first day on Tinder, an interesting girl told me that she was going to unsubscribe, but she gave me her Snapchat a little bit hastily before. I added her but I received nothing, I did not understand why. In fact, I had an old version of Snapchat and received only images, not texts. Well, after she called me “noob” we a little warmed and I was entitled to any sorts of tests, like “I have two sexfriends yet, why would I need you ? (the answer follows)
– I am alone at my parent’s at 50km from your place, do you wanna come to fuck me? = > (5mn later) ah no too late they came back, you didn’t left, I hope ? (No, no, no risk it is too far)
– c’mon send me a picture of you naked and if we can’t see your dick it’s because you have a tiny one (no I don’t answer to pure provocation nor attempts to destabilize)
– I have a cold sore I won’t be able to suck you when you will visit me (so sad but I don’t buy it)
– You think that my ass is not worth it if you don’t invite me at your place (of course it is)
– You know that you approached my friend too on Tinder ? She looks interested, if you want I leave you together because we have not fucked yet together and I even can send you her number (no no we shall make a 3some).

In brief, I liked that one at once. Already because she had a red pants on her photo of profile on Tinder, then especially because she is cute (brunette with green eyes, fair skin, attractive face) and very hot body (1m70, nice tits, flat stomach, attractive ass) with a soft/bawdy nature. Her description was “bi not follower”, and although that she tells me that it was a joke of Foresti, I smelt the curious heterosexual. She defines herself as a nympho “princess”. In the course of the conversation, she told me she hadn’t enjoyed for almost one month in spite of her two PQ (she abbreviates her sex things as the toilet paper it is rather degrading btw). I said to myself that it was maybe necessary that I do something for her, in my big indulgence.

Having let drag her case during a long moment, I decided to propose her a date. She was afraid that I am a miserable ugly and a serial killer in addition thus she dragged a little her feet (but not that much… anyway when I was not satisfied I answered no more and she did feed the conversation. I negotiated and eventually invited me at her home in Aix last Wednesday evening at 6 pm (arrived at 6:30 pm of course) in her studio (not to record an album with the sound of her groans).

I am not very well in fact since last WE, on Friday I was in Lyon for the funeral of an uncle and on Saturday we made the moving of my brother but it was a nameless mess and I screwed up two coast and the pond. For the gratitude of a guy who was only pouting speaking badly of me in my back in front of the removal men he had hired… Well, the positive, it is because my nephew even if her mother smoked during all the pregnancy was born and is normal. I wish him no bad things after all. He is not responsible for the bullshit of his parents.

In brief, when I arrived in the hall of the building of the girl, I was quite cold, and I had the pulse at 120. I said to myself “fuck, she will think that I’m impressed by her while in fact I’m just affected by Generalized Anxiety Disorder“. I leaned on the wall to give me some volume and I saw arriving a classy and joyful hottie, in a dress.

Arrived in her studio (former hotel room where the bathroom, the crappers and the kitchen make only one) : I made some remarks on the decoration to make her comfortable (it was very girly but she had cut girls’ photos in underwear from fashion magazines). There were a lot of apples in a basket there then I said “you are like Eve you are a little devourer of apples”. I asked politely if I could put my stuff on her office and she watched me to estimate me. Just to make me comfortable (irony), she asked me if the first message I sent her on Tinder was a copy and paste or not, then I had to admit my crime in honest security. She asked me if I wanted some tea (because I had told her “invite me to drink a tea or other stuff at your home
– especially other stuff!
” I told her that no thank you, that it was just for teasing her that I had said that but that if she had made some I would drink it gladly of course. It was not the case, in any case. Problem solved. In reality, even drinking some tea puts me under stress, that accelerates my heart and everything.

Apparently, she was surprised by my simplicity, that it is cool. Otherwise, she is a big fan of mangas apparently : she watched some by waiting for me thus I sit on the sofa next to her. We talked of this and that, while I caressed her arm and leg casually. I guess that it warmed well her because at a given moment, she rose astride on me and kissed me in the neck and everything but not on the mouth. Then I did the same thing. That makes me laugh when it is the female who comes looking for the alpha male so that he fertilizes her while he is rather passive. The role reversal, it is classy. Like the lion in the savanna. Kiss. Then she told me that she was going to unfold her sofa bed. She got up, I caught her before she can do anything, kissed her then put my hand under her dress. It was dipped, then I made her come with my magic fingers. She said that I looked like my photos and that it was great because usually she did not invite the guys directly at her place and there is always something that fucks the deal up : excessive shyness, shrill voice, etc.

That did a world of good to her that I take care of her, I guess, because she removed her dress. I understand her, it was too hot. We unfolded the bed, I lengthened her above in her small quite cute pink underwear. I then made her enjoy with my tongue and my fingers. She would have taken food from my hands at this moment, I guess, so much she liked it. In brief, I lied down next to her, the time she needed to recover, then I unfastened her bra, she took off my pants and everything and sucked me (I had told her that sometimes it fall alone this damned jean but that did not happen that very day).

After 5 minutes, seriously, I asked her to stop: I could not handle more! A girl so hot, having warmed me 3 weeks on Snap, then there having made her come twice: I could not handle more, me!!! I told her to rise on me, we put a condom and she fucked me. It was funny: she too much wanted to know if I had condoms in my jacket while she had some in her drawer, it was to be sure that I was a not guy who had AIDS. Careful and interesting strategy!!!

Then, she showed me her dildo (she named it Dorcel), I reloaded, took her in missionary, she told me “oh yes oh fuck you are just on my G-spot go on” then I fucked her very hardly and she came one more time. She asked me how it was possible that I made her enjoy 3 times in 1 hour, mystery… I caught her hips to ask her to turn around and I took her doggy-style. Then, we a little spoke, she asked me why I was quite white like that. I had to tell her my problems. She told me “you cannot be cardiac dude, otherwise you would never have been able to make me what you have just made for me” or then “no you are too hot to die“. That pleases me to hear that. Finally here we are, if I can do it in my state, with a GAD, I think that you should all be able to dominate your body language like an actor, at least enough time to fuck hot girls.

Too cute and nice, the girl. Really kind. Then, she cooked me pastas in the shape of phallus (good girl), of different colors (in vegetables). It was funny. We a little spoke about her friends and about her PQ. She has a buddy who finds me ridiculous, and ugly, and who did not want that she sees me. Her other PQ, a kind of of fat-bellied Tunisian and with an any face (but you understand he is a DJ who has 1900 fans on FB ahalala – me I don’t care I have 14 000 of it) began to tell her that I had a big nose and everything and that I was ugly and everything. In brief, fortunately that she thinks for herself otherwise she would always be limited to these lambda guys who take themselves for geniuses but who are in fact big jealous persons incapable to make her enjoy correctly.

She had all the same 14 lovers before me. Finally, two serious guys, then lovers. She told me that she trained to kiss guys in clubs because her two “serious” boyfriends had not taught her how to kiss well nor how to fuck well… but that « When you learn how to suck then you know how to kiss ». Seriously, true story. When she asked me how much I lovers I had, me, I told her 61 girls to don’t frighten her too much (I have a little bit subtracted 100). She told me that thus from 61 girls of experience, fucks were perfect. Then she revealed me that what she looks for with her lover’s, it is:
– That he is funny = > understand: not weird
– That he has some experience = > understand: that he is a good fuck
– I’ve forgotten the two other characteristics sorry but both above are the most important for her.

What is funny it is that she started calling me Cyprininien after sex, while she had not read neither my blog, nor absolutely nothing. Thus those who imagine that if I fuck girls so easily at the 1st date and everything it is because they are sexual freed madwomen who warmed on my blog: know that it is wrong!!! And that you could do it too with the good state of mind and the good communication instead of being sick envious persons. Get to work!

Personally, that would have been enough for me to stop there. But, after eaten, the nympho princess has jumped again on her almost charming prince. She sucked me a good moment on her knees in front of the sofa then I banged her very violently and for a long time doggy-style against the desk, while she still had her top (me I had just dimmed my pants). I guess that I flooded her a new pair of underwear. Cool: I forgot myself and dismissed her.

Then, I made her a cuddle and went back home : it was like 1:30 am. I made a little aquaplaning on the road, it rained hardly, the route was dangerous and everything, but me I was just afraid of dying from the heart, half an hour after having finished the sexual intercourse… It is completely irrational, fuck. Every time there was a surge under the car, I saw myself having an accident and dying. By going back home, I was quite cold, quite white, I smelt like sex and I was afraid of dying. I went to bed like that by thinking that I would not wake up the next day. At night, I woke up: anxiety attack, shivers, then big bellyache … I immediately said to myself that her weird pastas had poisoned me, of course.

In brief, it is very hard all this, I cannot imagine myself at all in one month or something … I have a very short-term vision of things, life and very negative thoughts about everything. I say to myself that maybe, I have this negative faith saying that I am going to die by going in for sport or by fucking violently, then the fact of doing it and of seeing that it makes me absolutely nothing, well that makes mental conflict (incoherence). Then, my unconscious understands nothing and reacts by rises of fears. It is what I say to myself at the moment.

If it was not because that put me so bad after sex (nothing to do with her, she has just motivated me to move my ass), I would gladly see her again all the same “for the pleasure”. For once that a girl is hanndsome and dirty and cool and everything, is not a headache to me and sucks my cock well… why would I not want to see her again? But in the facts, I do not know if that is going to be made, because I have my mental that fucks up my life and because all the same I prefer Virginie who is my sweetheart (this has nothing to do as relation – you cannot compare).

Moreover, funny anecdote: both practice qi-gong (as well as the friend of Red pants that I tried to pick up on Tinder and that we will soon try to corrupt for a 3some because they spoke about it together and that turns them on). I guess that they go at the same class but I didn’t go farther into the matter too much. The world is really small in Aix.

The next day, I sent her a message to ask her if she had recovered well from turns of foot. She told me that yes, and that she looked forward to do it again… Awww sweetie !

Funny anecdote

I am now going to tell you another nice trying to pick up I made on Tinder. With an English. Since then, she does not stop sending me messages to suggest coming “to sleep” with me… and I pretend to be asleep or to have not received her texts. I do not think that I shall fuck her in the end because I am in crisis of ill-being at the moment but I put you the trying to pick up for love of the art. To understand well, needs to know that I have a photo on Tinder in which I have captain’s cap and mask – pirate’s eye. In homage to Cajun (I will soon publish my translation of his blog).

What excited me with her, it she that had a photo in which we saw her jumping almost naked into a river with just her little black string: “Tell me you were drunk when you jumped half naked in the water
– yeah, far too much wine! you make a good pirate…
– did you ever kiss a captain pirate ?
– No, it’s one of my life ambitions though…
– Lol you’re cool I totally adopt you as my new little sister
– Little sister is not what I expected
– Haha, i’m teasing you. Wanna take a bath with me ?
– Ah exciting ! yeah where do you live ? I’m in Eguilles
“. Then, I took her Snapchat, sent her two-three topless photos and now she too much wants to fuck me. Cool! We shall see well what I am going to decide to finish !

In brief, I don’t go out often anymore, thus I game on Tinder. For the anecdote, I hated Tinder for a long time because I had an old version and thus saw only people who had the same version than me … ie 3 country bumpkins a week. But now that I updated the app, that gets better, way more people. Red pants was right: I am a noob. Lol.

Other news

About the girl Padawan wanted to fuck in the previous FR, know that he was rejected and is now extremely offended. After having been « a perfect east girl with whom he shared too many things » when he thought that he was going to bang her, he started criticizing the girl on all the domains… now: she is fat, not beautiful, do not go in for sport, is idiot, does not think for herself, etc. Interesting as psychological case…

I take advantage of this news section to tell an incident that pissed me off. There are guys out there who take a malicious pleasure with systematically poking in my friends’ list or approaching on the Internet the girls I fucked after having read my FR. It is not so much for the girls that it disturbs me, it is more for the principle.

When we exchange girls during an orgy, it’s a thing. But when the guys are going to try to pick up girls on Facebook because you fucked them it is a little a shit. I feel used in fact.

I aim here at Padawan and at his buddy The Gothic. To don’t name them.

It is human to think only about yourself and to use the others egoistically (I’m not just mad at them for that) : but it is disappointing, especially, to see that the others take advantage of the fact I am weakened. Even those who say they have values like Padawan. I would say even ESPECIALLY those who say they have values because they are in fact traitors. I fall from a height (come down with a bump).

Then, often they do not really assume because they know that that is going to annoy me but the call of the dick is the strongest then they go there all the same, and accuse me of not being cool if I grumble. Me, when someone tells me that such guy approach a girl, if I am also going to try to pick up her without speaking to him about it, it is because I really want to piss him off. Then, what could I deduct from their attitude? That these people who claim being my friends have at the bottom of them the desire to piss me off? They would be hypocrites who use me because without me their sexual life would have been very empty? Seen the difference between when I knew them and now (one had known only 2 girls and was in couple with a girl with whom he didn’t have sex for a while, the other didn’t have sex for 6 years)… I am entitled to wonder sometimes but well maybe it is simply that they are awkward in human relations. The benefit of the doubt lasts for some time.

The thing is that friendship and girls should not enter conflict like that… Then when stops the friendship for a pussy? When is it better to fuck a girl hoping that our buddy do not take it too badly rather than not fucking her and moving our ass to find another one…?

When we introduce me to girls, or even when I fuck the girls of buddies during orgies: I never contact them again after, to avoid this kind of problem, exactly. Then, I would like that the others also do it from now on (we cannot return on the past but we can act on the future).

Certainly, the girls belong to everybody (or to nobody), but when you pass by me to fuck friends of mine, I feel disappointed and like the fall guy. Especially when in the end, the guys in question progress little in seduction because when they try to pick up girls, they fuck very often only girls you have already fucked (and still that don’t work every time).Actually, with the other girls when we start from scratch, it works clearly less well… Curious eh ? Hey yes, when we read the FR, we have fewer uncertainties later, we know who to target and on which buttons to push.

There, I refused to tell Padawan who was the girl in the Red pants on FB then he grumbles. I don’t give a shit. I don’t want that he sends her a message or that his buddy the Metalhead The Gothic sends her a poke like « so I heard that Fabrice made you come three times you know I can give you orgasms too… » It is a total disrespect of the Geneva conventions of sex.

In brief, even if I become paranoid and even if I’m particularly bad at the moment (I am willing to admit that I am put under stress), I would prefer all the same that the guys in questions lead their own trying to pick up totally independent from me, on virgin of all known FR targets. Otherwise I shall eventually consider that they have a lack of confidence and that they take an unhealthy pleasure to prove to themselves that they “can” fuck the same pussies than me (even if they need 4 months to do the thing I quickly get). And going into this kind of fight of ego or of competition of lousy cock does not interest me.

Do you understand? The problem it is not that I’m mad because of the girls, after all everyone is free. The thing is because it gets on my nerves that they do not become independent and that they progress little finally. And, fuck off, I have the right of not being happy when it happens slightly too often, I have the right to be irritated when I make efforts so that the others do not find themselves in this situation but when those same people make so that it happens to me! And the answer « It is your problem if you make efforts to treat us carefully but us we do what we want » is not acceptable when you claim you are the friend of somebody.

Well, otherwise I don’t care, I have Virginie (they do not risk to touch her) and from time to time a hottie out of their league I find in bonus by myself (satisfaction++) ! In brief, let’s move on… but it had to be said!

Otherwise, me who am religious, I begin to give up the prayer and everything. I am so bad that I go away from what I would like to be. It pisses me off ! Besides my psychotherapist encourages me in this way… I do not know if it is a good thing, to lose the faith, to question everything.

Finally, via my blog, a guy sent me that “I’ve tried several coaches and you’re the best. Your blog is awesome. They all are big headed. Their stuff is just marketing. They are not honest. This is just the basics. I’m not at all impressed. They don’t like if you’re not bad. They don’t know how to listen to you. They have lost themselves in the game, but not you. Their ego lost them. It’s my truth. They just want money. The coachings are not really personalized : 5 people by session… pff. I’m glad you’re there.”

May the God of the Game be with us !

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