In this ebook, I will teach you communication techniques simple to use but nevertheless very powerful. They will enable you to improve, in a considerable and lasting way, not only your relations in all fields, social circle, friendly, family, professional life, etc. But all your daily life!
Man or woman, you will improve your communication, you will discover how to better understand the other and better be understood and you will become more confident.
My mission, if you accept it, will be to accompany you through this book in a benevolent way towards the improvement of all your communication skills (communicatation with yourself and with others). Once familiar with these techniques, they will naturally be part into your communication which will be of better quality.
After reading this ebook, you may be surprised to see how your worldview has become more positive through better internal communication. You may be surprised to find that “you cannot not communicate” : you will be more motivated to learn how to communicate as effectively as possible!
The first person with whom you are in contact is yourself.
I suggest in this section tips to improve the relationship you have with yourself! This is the most important of all!
Change your perspective on “failure”
Like most people, you have certainly gone through storms and suffered setbacks, which you call “failures” in your life. Besides, if it were not the case… it would be a serious problem! It would mean that you have never taken any risks and that your life is very boring (or that you have been overprotected)…
But you probably do not give the same meaning as I do to the word “failure”.
I think that failure in the sense of irremediable defeat does not exist, that failure is only an absence of temporary success. Succeeding, the first time, without being taught, would be a miracle.
The only real failures, in my opinion, would be to continuously reproduce the same behaviors that lead you now (and will still lead you, if you persevere) to a state of dissatisfaction. And giving up before getting the expected results.
Your mistakes are valuable lessons if you take them into consideration. If a way of doing things or even thinking does not bring you the desired results, why not change them? This can be as simple as that… if you decide it (and if you bother to identify the error to address it).
If you’re shaking yourself secretly by thinking of someone, being reluctant to dating sites or going to a club without ever approaching and waiting for it to fall off you all cooked in your mouth does not give you the sex life you want… Then you can open your mind and discover that there are other ways to see things that are surely more productive.
You should also know that it is not because life has refused you something at a given moment that this refusal is definitive.
It’s not because a pretty girl (or a handsome boy, once and for all) has rejected you or refused to kiss you in a club that you will never kiss pretty girls. Unless you give up, unless you act and decide knowingly to continue to act in spite of common sense. Some people are very stubborn: they prefer to continue to fail “in their own way” rather than to succeed by following the advice of a caring person. I find it really a shame… but everyone does as he wants! It’s up to you to see if you prefer to sponsor the distributors of condoms or those of handkerchiefs.
Admitting failures does not mean that you will not free yourself: it is one more step on the road to victory. It is above all the acceptance of the fact that you are not perfect, which is a testimony of humility and intelligence. Finally, it is proof that you are looking to improve your life rather than to correct it. The nuance is subtle but very important!
Believe that you are successful
To achieve your goal, you must free yourself from your doubts, your fears and be certain that you will succeed for sure in what you plan (or act as you were : remember the teachings of Pascal “Kneel, faith will come”).
Before I had my blog Diary of a French PUA, I was holding another blog called “Cyprine Rain”. And even before that, when I was a beginner, I had created a blog named Le Coin Seduction.
I was not yet a Pick-Up Artist at this moment, far from it, but holding a blog and introducing myself to people like a guy who is good with women and who assumes to want to improve has pushed me to excel. It also allowed me to have very constructive discussions with some members of the fair sex because they like to talk about gender relations with an open-minded guy…
I had to be congruent, I had to act as if I was a PUA, so I decided to act as if I was already a “womanizer” with the guys with whom I was going out and the girls I was hooking up. It compelled myself to give the best of myself because I was committed to myself and to others! This is certainly what has accelerated my training because, after two years, I already fucked at least 2 new babes each month. And a few years later, I do more than 4 monthly on average…
Note that I still had some cool love stories that lasted as well. I did not just bang and leave, I have already built relationships with the girls met.
Distinguish wishes and goals
“I’d like to go to a swinger club with my sexfriend…”
“I plan to make a threesome with two girls…”
“I’d like to kiss more women when I go out…”
Do people who say that make a decision or are they merely expressing a wish, basically hoping that others or “life” will do what is necessary for them?
Consider the fact that life is a perpetual change. “We never bathe twice in the same river” (this was Heraclitus). Think of being flexible enough to succeed more: it will be worth slightly modifying your trajectory when it will be necessary (after taking into account the new elements you have) rather than mechanically follow a road that has become obsolete.
Today, you may be aiming to be a Don Juan but perhaps after having fucked 10 chicks, you will decide to be a couple with a nice chick. Or perhaps you enter the game to find a girlfriend, but once launched in a dynamic of success, you will ultimately opt to make a maximum of experiences and fuck a lot of chicks.
Also set yourself realistic goals to get started and do not compare yourself to others. If you dream of kissing 100 women in 2 years, starting from nothing, and doing only street pickup… it seems very difficult. Already begin by setting yourself the goal of losing your virginity. Do not put the car before the horse : keep in mind your ultimate goal and mark your way of sub-objectives which will be as many mini-victories.
You want to fuck 100 women, you already good, you are determined not to put be a couple… it is possible. This ambitious goal can only motivate you. Oscar Wilde did not say “We must always aim at the moon, because even in case of failure, we land in the stars”? But start by kissing girls in clubs before forming such projects!
A true decision excludes any other possibility. And by giving a realistic dimension to your goal, you multiply your chances of reaching it again because you are less likely to be discouraged. So, once your goal is determined, go for it! And change your plan only if you sincerely think it is for the best (it is with your conscience that you must decide it).
By the way, do not hesitate to read my article on the first year of pick-up and learning curve.
It is done ? Good. Now I have to ask you a question: what difference do you make exactly between looking for solutions and wanting to achieve an objective?
Seriously, ask yourself the right questions as long as there is still time. Why do not you already have the sexual life you want in the depths of you? It may be more “comfortable” for you now to tell yourself that “you’ll be dealing with the seduction problem later, now you have other priorities.”
Dodging is a painless solution, but only in the short term. One day you may wake up old and alone, or (worse) married to a chick you do not really like. And then, it will be really serious. Especially as you may no longer be able to get hard without viagra.
It will REALLY be dramatic because there will be nothing else that you can do. Except maybe going to prostitutes from time to time.
You then may think that you should have taken your responsibilities when it was time and start a personal development process to have a woman you really want by your side. This is the trap of procrastination…
But we are not there yet, do not foresee the worst. You still have the choice:
TAKE YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES OR ASSUME THE INCONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTS!
Look in the right direction
Look where you want to go instead of what you want to avoid! To do this, formulate your objective in positive terms, by removing the negation, in favor of the affirmation.
The right hemisphere of your brain works like a young nymphomaniac in the sense that it is always focused on immediate pleasure and ignores negation. Therefore, the unconscious ignores the “no” and receives each word as a direct suggestion. In a way, as an order, which he will most often transform into action, as, for example, a modification of your feelings.
If you think or verbalize: “I do not want to lack self-confidence,” your unconscious will only remember “lack of self-confidence” and may even understand “I want to lack confidence.” So do me a favor: you will decide that from now on, you will overflow with confidence!
Similarly, if you say “I no longer want to be a loser,” your brain will understand that you are a loser. Make the choice to use affirmative phrases in preference to all others (when you talk to people but also when you speak to yourself), to change your worldview and make it more positive.
Do not say “I do not want to be a loser with the chicks”, prefer “I want to be a winner”.
When I did not dare to hook up girls then quickly sexualize with them, it is likely that my attention was more focused on what I feared than on what I aspired to. I thought I would avoid sources of pain (like rejections, questioning myself and asking disturbing but useful and energizing questions, taking the trouble to think a little for myself).
I surely found a form of pleasure in my shitty sex life : I somewhat enjoyed, like most of my friends at the time, this victim status. Apparently comfortable status of the guy who complains that the chicks do not understand anything and to whom people boost the morale but that does not act in the good sense for things to change.
“Therapy is a fight where your opponent dreams that you win and where he will do anything to stop you,” said Milton Erickson (the father of Ericksonian hypnosis – a flexible, indirect and non-dirigiste approach to hypnosis that gave birth to many modern methods of psychotherapy.) I find it fair enough.
Are you tempted to stay at home and masturbate rather than go out picking up chicks with your friends? Get out! Such avoidance behaviors favor short-term “pleasure” (in this case the absence of effort that would result from the confrontation of one’s fear) to the detriment of short-term “pain” (taking action and facing your fear) that would bring you a REAL long-term pleasure (coming in a hot and humid vagina or spending a good moment on the field and being proud of the efforts accomplished).
Many people are in this case (I call it “ease”). But the thing is that the more you repeat a behavior and the more it anchors: inaction with women and complaints because of poor sexuality become the definition of a normal life.
If you really cannot project yourself positively, then try to live simply the moment. Tell yourself that the past no longer exists and do not try to imagine the future. At the moment, you want to talk with a chick, so go for it! That’s it ! This approach may seem simplistic but it will necessarily work as well as the other for some of my readers.
Whatever you do, the important thing is to know yourself and be at peace with yourself.
Understand your own motivations
If you want to “no longer masturbate”, your motivations can be to get rid of an addiction, to find the sexual urge to go out hunting, to save your stock of handkerchiefs, and so on.
The more motivations you have, the more “good reasons” you want to reach your goal!
So, what are your motivations for learning pickup/seduction?
And most importantly, what is your real purpose?
Seriously, take a paper and pen, and write down your current goal. What is your objective, in fact?
Now draw two columns:
Why would you want to learn seduction?
What is stopping you?
I am pretty sure that there are far fewer con arguments in your list than arguments pro the practice of pick-up. Also ask yourself if all the “con” arguments you have found are good faith. It’s up to you to see what you’re doing…
The unconscious does not differentiate between a real situation and a scene created by your imagination. Mentally projecting yourself into a “probable” future will help you.
Close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself in the future, once your goal is reached… Water has flowed under the bridges and you now enjoy the new living conditions you dreamed of.
What is different from before, more positive and better for you? What makes your daily life easier and more enjoyable? Be attentive to everything around you, details, perfumes, colors… So maybe you will be able to instantly change your internal state, that is to say, how you feel and consequently you will already know what to expect if you get started! This should motivate you to move your ass!
You can also use another type of projection, in the shorter term: imagine yourself kissing or undressing a chick before approaching her… then REALLY talk to her. You will be in a much more sexual state and go here much more as a winner than if you were torturing yourself by imagining various scenarios, which will help you. It may sound stupid, but what you communicate unconsciously will be better. Thank you, positive visualization!
Become aware of the impact of your limiting beliefs
Beliefs are your definite convictions and beliefs about life, they are “gospel words” that you would not think for a moment to question… because, for you, “it goes without saying!”
Your beliefs can be helpful, that is to say, positive and good for you. For example, if you believe you are an attractive person, then you allow your unconscious to see the opportunities with the chicks around you.
If, on the contrary, you have limiting beliefs, such as believing that “girls cannot be interested in a guy like you,” then you probably will not even see half of the opportunities you’ll have under your nose !
It is the eternal struggle: “She is looking at me? She surely likes me” against “She is looking at me, she must have seen my pimple on the nose and find it ugly”. One way of seeing life is more constructive than the other… you will easily agree!
Consequently, being attractive, it is not always something acquired, it is a way of being and especially a state of mind.
Some people were the hotties of the college and we confident because the chicks were liking them. Then, in adulthood, they became ugly (they got badly aged) but they never doubted that they were seductive so they continued to live in this “reality” (your reality is defined by all of your beliefs). And, often, they are still getting hot chicks into adulthood thanks to their state of mind.
What counts is not how things really are because no one has access to reality as it is. Since there is always some good in the bad and vice versa, it is better to choose to believe what suits you as long as it is congruent with the society in which you are moving.
Indeed, some of your beliefs are unique to you and others are shared by the people who live with you (a guy who puts his hands in the ass of girls in the subway will be arrested for sexual harassment even if he is convinced that it is perfectly “normal” to do so… By the way, what does “normal” mean for you, what is normality?
Let’s take the example of someone who does not assert himself. You “calibrate” (in other words, you observe) various external signs that testify to the low esteem that this person has for herself. She is awkward and is not yet able to express her views in a conversation especially when it is to contradict the dominant opinion.
By the way, this person has certainly not always had this poor image of herself: how did it come about? Everyone has a story… But at some point in her life, the person in our example was probably convinced one way or another that he is a shit and that his opinion has no value… And now she walks with this belief and probably complains to her shrink. It is enough to speak of one thing, if only to think about it, to give it existence…
Beliefs, in this case limiting, alter the map of the world of the individual, who behaves like the one he believes to be. And it makes suffer all those people who have not been initiated in our techniques and who do not understand why they suffer because they can not question their reality (unless perhaps if they take a big slap in the mouth).
If you believe that one does not “approach like that” or “one doesn’t fuck a girl this way in real life” then it will not happen to you to practice doggy style because your reality (here composed of your limiting beliefs) excludes this possibility.
If, on the contrary, you think it is possible to pick a chick up in the street then to kiss her during the first date, then it becomes possible. Myself, I was skeptical at first, but I got there, so I’ve come a long way (and in a good way) since I started. You have to work on yourself to open your mind and change what is wrong.
While the unconscious often builds against yourself beliefs that limit you, you can consciously create beliefs that will help you. But before conceiving a helping belief, you will have to free yourself from the opposite belief. Take the example of a handsome guy who wants to go out with a girl but does not dare to ask her. Before issuing his request, he must have the confidence to take the act and feel deserving enough to get what he is about to ask. You probably know that happiness is no easier to accept than misery (it is paradoxically difficult to get out of the shit, see the number of winners of the lottery that became crazy…) If we bring it back to the pick-up: if you do not dare to try your luck with a chick, it’s because you do not have enough confidence in yourself/you do not think you deserve it/you like to complain about not fucking the girls you want (that’s why you accept this situation and do not do anything concrete to change it).
The time has come to separate you from your limiting beliefs, these profound convictions of not being up to the task, of not being able, of not deserving, of being inevitably a prisoner of fate, of not being a good person… If your problem is that you always go out with troubled girls, know that the unconscious neuroses attract: by solving part of your problems, you will probably have more balanced partners! It’s the icing on the chest! If you still miss something, a kind of click: I simply suggest you to provoke it. Look for the key actively, whether in books or in others, by observing and questioning those who have already achieved what you are aiming for (find the teacher who inspires you the most to learn the most easily). This is largely what my blog, my ebooks and coaching are all about. Hopefully it will unlock you!
Use affirmative turn of phrases and references
Imagine that your goal is to be sociable and relaxed in the presence of unknowns.
Considering that a belief is a profound conviction that one would not think for a moment to question because it is obvious, you are not going to express a hypothesis… but an affirmation like :
“I am sociable and relaxed, everywhere, at every moment and with everyone.”
Here is my list of personal statements (focus on the list of affirmations not on the “what to do/what not to do” lists): https://www.diaryfrenchpua.com/english/use-affirmations-to-become-more-confident/
I wrote this list of affirmations so that you became more and more confident. It may not be suitable for your needs.
So, not only read yours, but FEEL IT (visualization) daily until you notice a positive change in your behaviors. Personally, the list has been posted in my room for over a year and helped me get out of a dirty depression. Moreover, it intrigued the people who came to my house and once again compelled me to assume my interest in seduction.
As for those that made fuck of it, I fucked them in the ass! Just kidding.
Do not hesitate to really work on yourself to communicate the best because the emotions are contagious (the emotional contagion or emotional contagion is the transfer of the emotions of an emitting person towards a recipient, it must be distinguished from the empathy). What to remember is that if you are really comfortable with sex, then the girls you meet will be more often.
As proof that the more normal things seem to us, the more people around us will find it normal too, go read this field report where I tell how I infiltrated in a high school at the request of a girl under the guise of a young teacher so she sucks me (it was her fantasy). My secret for not being unmasked? I only did “as if it was normal for me” to go to high school by the entrance of the teachers… and nobody asked me any question.
Internal state and external state
Many of us know that our emotions and our internal state have repercussions on our body (somatization is called it). However, many do not know that the reverse is also possible.
You will understand: by changing your physical attitude (for example: having your shoulders cleared, smiling rather than heading, standing straight and holding your head up rather than lowering it and holding like a old man, changing your breathing rhythm and adopting the one of the days of victory) you will be likely to instantly find the internal state associated with this physical attitude. By applying yourself, to this work you will then release good sensations and will be more attractive.
The more you repeat a behavior (good or bad for you, no matter…) the more this behavior becomes anchored. The fact of being aware of the unhealthy nature of a behavior or of being aware of the limiting beliefs underlying is not always sufficient to free yourself from it.
But the opposite is also possible, namely that the less you repeat a behavior and the more it tends to disappear.
Habit, repetition, will be an asset if the behavior is positive but will be a constraint if it is bad for the individual.
If you make it a habit to try your luck with women, then it will be an asset. On the other hand, if you’re used to act shy in front of women and then add them on Facebook to try to pick them up, this behavior will be bad (except if she really liked you when she saw you, she will think you are a coward and will make fun of you with her girlfriends (I caricature but it is so that you understand better)).
Success with women is a question of communication, certainly, but also of dynamics. I’m serious. There were times when I was awesome, where I succeeded in great things regularly and others where I did not have too much energy and where I had more problems (often after a break in my game). So get into the habit, if you can, do not stop your learning (the seduction is not quite like the bike). Especially at the beginning!
The principle of positive intention
The idea here is that “every thing is here for a reason even if one does not always understand it.”
Given the fact that you will never really know what the interlocutor thinks, so much attributing to him the benefit of the doubt, or better, good intentions. You will see that you will be much less stressed.
Let’s imagine that your girlfriend does not seem happy to see that you are coming back from work earlier than usual. You may be disappointed with her reaction (and even imagining that she was waiting for her lover), blaming her for pouting and reminding her that she regularly complains that you are coming back late… or you can choose to think that this is just a personal impression and that it is perhaps not, in fact, the reality.
Finally, if you persist in believing that she is not satisfied (because of rather objective elements) because you are coming back earlier than usual from work, you may consider that she had perhaps a positive intention: Maybe she had planned to dress sexy and get pretty for you but did not have enough time…
The best way to get closer to “real reality”, or at least to avoid moving away from it, is to rely solely on concrete, objective and observable facts.
By doing so, it is becoming more and more frequent that many of our points of view are the result of interpretations (sometimes even of our imagination) and are therefore not very objective.
Frankly, when you never know what to believe, why not choosing to believe what makes you feel ?
Everything is a matter of reality in life. I am personally suspicious of absolutes, of very clear opinions. Few things are really black or white, often they are gray.
So it would be necessary to respect the points of view of other people and avoid for example to say “she is ugly” and instead to say “I do not like her”… which is probably more correct and less hurtful.
Similarly, for people who believe in God, then God exists. Maybe only in their heads (who know ?) but it impacts their lives so it exists. No doubt about it! That’s why I respect all religions (but I deviated from my purpose).
In neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), it is posited that the relation to the external world necessarily passes through at least one of the five senses. They are called “sensory channels” (or VAKOG, acronym for: “Visual, Auditive, Kinesthetic, Olfactive, Gustative”).
A person who favors the sense of sight is called “visual” to organize his or her experience and communicate. He finds his memories by the visual impression that he has of them and expresses himself with a vocabulary linked to the vision. For example, a person who often uses formulas such as “I imagine that” or “I can see that” and finally “It’s clear” is probably a visual one.
Someone called “auditory” favors auditory perceptions to organize and access his experience. Someone who favors the ear canal will gladly associate a telephone number with a catchphrase for example. It uses a vocabulary of auditory register, using, for example, vocabularies such as “I hear well” or “what you’re telling me echoes”.
The kinesthetic refers to the touch but also to all the feeling that one can feel by the body. In this sense, olfactory and taste are often treated as kinesthetic, although the specific vocabularies may be very different. Kinesthetic people are those who generally use their physical feelings (movements, postures, balances) to organize and access their experience.
The preferred vocabulary then refers to these areas: “Keep your feet on the ground”, “It is a headache” or “This example is striking! “, “It’s all good !” or “He is not renowned for the odour of sanctity”.
Each channel functions as a perceptual filter linked to the storage. Over time, one person favors one or even two of these five senses. Each individual has a privileged mode of communication and his way of expressing himself reflects this state.
According to NLP, there is no good or bad channel. It is enough to take into account the channel that your interlocutor favors and to agree to improve communication and then, if necessary, to guide him to another channel, to invite him to develop his other capacities or to integrate new strategies.
And you, what category do you think you belong to?
Tips for all your problems in the future
Let’s define a “problem” as a gap between the desired situation and the actual situation.
Know that “a well-stated is a problem half solved” (Charles Kettering).
Note also that “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it” (Einstein) and that “A problem without solution is a badly stated problem” (Albert).
Key issues in problem solving include:
– Solving a problem is primarily a matter of mindset (will you look if you can solve the problem or HOW will you solve it?);
– Solving a problem involves using a clear and detailed methodology;
– Solving a problem means taking the time necessary to define it properly.
For example: Freud wondered “What do women want?”. For us, the question becomes “How to make them react positively?”
And, the answer to this question is more than detailed on my blog.
Solving a problem, as we have seen, it is above all to change from an undesired situation A to a desired situation B. It is a process of change management… and as a result, we are almost always confronted with paradigms, resistances to change. Most often, stuff like:
– “I do not want to know, I should change everything…”
– “I’ve always done like that so I do not see myself changing…”
– “Why bothering to improve my life, there is no dead man in the current state of things…”
No, there’s no man dead, but there are no women orgasms either! So try to identify and defuse your own resistance to change!
Improve communication with others
We are naturally “on the same wavelength” with the people we enjoy the company.
For a variety of reasons, it happens that “there is no love lost” with some of the individuals we meet but for some reason we sometimes have to relate to them (of course you are not obliged to WELL COMMUNICATE all the time with everyone). For example, a client or a co-worker who does not share the same opinions as us, a member of our family, a girl we would like to seduce, and more generally a person with whom the contact is an interest.
Extract from : Communication, seduction and manipulation