Part 1: Last Minute Resistance
A LMR is something rather difficult to define in absolute terms.
This is for example, when you’re both in underwear and the girl is in her string on the bed, that you kiss quietly… but she suddenly no more wants to make love.
Basically, it is when everything seems to go well for both of you… but that at the time of moving up a gear: the girl finally don’t want to. Like if she had suddenly changed her mind. But is that really the case? Except if you are a terribly bad kisser, there is no reason. If you suspect that this may be the case for you, please read The awesome lover’s manual.
I think it is most often a kind of anxiety that can also feel every human during a bedtime… especially when it’s with someone new. Girls are more victim of it and it is easily understandable when one knows how they are strong to take a headache and ruin their lives because of details (like the fact that their pubic is not shaven for the occasion).
The difference between a girl who makes a resistance and a girl who really does not want to fuck us is that: the girl who “just” resistant is hot like fire but cannot help to play it “fierce.” She is totally wet but doesn’t want to sleep. While the one who really does not want to fuck is really blocked, says “no” several times, etc.
B/ How to react
If you arrived at this point: first of all, congratulations! Let’s not forget that you’ve all the same met an unknown girl, you talked to her, and you made her want to be in a bed with you. But how can do you go through when she makes a LMR?
First, we have no choice. And even if it is frustrating, we must stop our attacks to open a dialogue. You have to see where she blocks and why. In any case, we must stay within a committed relationship, it’s not about raping anyone! PUAs are modern gentlemen !!!
I sometimes encountered this kind of blocking, but fortunately it does not happen every time. So, sometimes it is surmountable but sometimes not. However, be aware that if you arrive at the preliminary stage, but that this anxiety is triggered and that nothing happens after with the woman, she may stay with a negative image associated with you, which could cut her any will to see you again. Once, I enjoyed making an LMR to a girl, just for fun. But she took it badly, she was upset and she never answered me on the phone after that.
Most often, the reasons that we can hear are in general:
“I think we’re going too fast.”
“I do not have enough time free time today.”
“I’m not a girl like that.”
“I do not know you well enough.”
“Not on the first night.”
“I have my periods.” (sometimes it’s true but it is also often a fake… with that said, you should know that sometimes they agree to do it anyway under the shower or with a towel under the buttocks)
“I am not shaved.”
“My place is a mess so I do not want you come over. ”
“I cannot, it’s complicated, I cannot tell you but it’s not you it’s me.”
“I’m still thinking about my ex, I’m not into it.”
“I want to remain a virgin until marriage.” (let’s respect that)
“Why me and not another girl?”
“What that tells me you’re going to call me back after? ”
At first I tried to argue, to demonstrate calmly and thoughtfully how this type of reaction is absurd. But they have rarely admitted.
In fact, you should know that they do not always give the real reasons that are blocking them. Because it is a reaction partly unconscious: they may not even understand what is happening in them. Evolutionary psychology also comes into play: their instinct warns them against the risks of STD, childbirth, etc.
Blocking can sometimes unblock if she is enough turned on, if her logic gives way to emotion. For this, as soon as she says stop : take a minute of rest, argue and work on her again. It can work if she really wants you and if that was really the fault of the principle “I don’t fuck on the first date”. However, in some people, the rational mind is stronger than the emotional mind and it is very difficult for them to let it go… especially with a stranger.
Another good solution is to reassure her and to try again later. If it is really because she is not shaved that she doesn’t want to have sex, we can tell her that we don’t give a shit of this detail and that it’s the whole of her we want. It could unlock her! Warning: women can balk and become cold during the dialogue.
The third good idea is my favorite, it’s a mix of the two first ones. It is the one I talk about in The (inconvenient) truth about gender relations : a verbal reassurance to help her control her blocks but we warm her with our hands, to see how she reacts.
Some coaches recommend trying a “naked man” in case of LMR, but I have never tried it in such a situation (I bet them either). The closest situation that happened to me: I was on my bed kissing the breasts of an American who did not want sleep with me under the pretext that she had a boyfriend in the United States. We both were in underwear and I removed my pants : as soon as I took her hand to put it on my cock : she gave me handjob. Then I convinced her to let me lick her ( “it is not binding, if you don’t like it please say stop and I will stop”. She then begged me “I so much want your dick into me” with her very cute accent.
There’s finally the solution that is to ignore the girl when she is too indecisive : it can work. It is called “the fridge.” So if it is more like a whim than anything else, that she is just playing to drive you crazy, play it like a bitch too. She could reflect on the fact that she is messing around and losing you and then she could very well change her mind. Or she can leave your place… she’s free! I draw your attention to the importance of wisely decipher what the girl communicates. If she said no, but she stays half-naked in front of you : it ss a game for her. If she rejects you clearly, this is not a code to say “I love you please still try to fuck me with strength.”
That said, I met one like that. I went to her, place we kissed and everything but I have not fucked her. She did not want. She texted me once I left, she said, “I would have liked that you force me.” Well yeah, but…
Last paragraph: what to do if nothing works and that “no means no”? Sulking or insulting her : bad ideas! It would definitely prevent you from seeing her again later. It is better to play the gentleman and to tell her the truth: that you are disappointed but hey, that’s life, and that if she changes her mind later, you will be very happy because you think you both have missed something. You should know that there are girls who purposely push us like that to see our true nature: it can be a test!
C/ Take precautions
To avoid such problems, I suggest you to talk upstream of the fact that you will fuck if you go home. Do not hide your intentions! Tell her how much she turns you on, that she is very sexy. Once home, if she is hesitant, ask if the desire is mutual. It can be just shyness, her little hesitation …
Also create some comfort during the date and make her not feel guilty. Explain the fact that you will not judge as a “slut” if she sleeps with you. Make her comfortable with that! It is for you to do this job because they have a social mask to take care of, which is not really our case.
Finally, it may help to make your apartment a not disgusting place, a place where you feel comfortable…
I think I have taken a feather out of my cap : if a woman feels anxious or unsure about the idea of making love, how in this context, making love with her could be a good thing, and not a incentive for abuse? Simply because, in such a situation, this woman really want to make love with you. At this stage, she feels she wants to make love with you, but she wonders if she should do it. It is torture, she is afraid of regretting or feeling “dirty” after. Many men do not understand that today girls possess their own bodies and have as much than men the right to have fun. Many women have not understood it very well either, by the way.
Part 2: Rape
Under French law, rape is a sexual assault involving, according to article 222-23 of the Penal Code, “any act of sexual penetration, whatever its nature, committed against another person by violence, constraint, threat or surprise.”
So: clearly show your intentions (but no sexual harassment nor needy either: you have to work a little on your game and acquire tact). Do not force her in any way and be very careful: the goal is not to insist until she gives up, but to do not foolishly give up before she gave a clear answer.
To illustrate the shit it is to manage a LMR, I’ll tell you another story. A girl I had picked up in the street had come to a date. I spoke to her about sex for a while and, despite that, she was “OK” to come and eat at my house. We talked and played cards for hours before I kiss her on the neck. She said “stop” when my hand started to go down on her crotch. So: I stopped. And then she said, ” stop it because you are fucking making me want to have sex with you but I have not shaved my pussy and I’m not a girl like that so we’ll meet again next week to have sex.” Admit that the concept is stupid: she was dying but felt compelled to frustrate both of us… And nobody forced her to say that. So: I insisted, ready to stop if she asked me to one more time… but she finally agreed that I caress her breasts and fingers her. From there, we fucked several times in a row. By leaving, she thanked me for insisting (her blocking was an avoidance strategy because she had few experience in bed), congratulated me for the good fuck and we have met again the next week with great pleasure.
The confusion between rape and LMR is that women send a lot of mixed messages. Sorry, politically correct people, but “no” does not always mean “no.” It depends on how it’s said. If one does not speak the ‘girls’ language and never had any “feedback” after shots: indeed, one might think that they did not want and that we a little forced them. But the truth is that they had wanted us to do that, and they are most of the time grateful because we insisted because : relieved them of a weight.
Another example: some chicks when I lick them and they approach orgasm, tell me “stop”… but do not think for a second and would be disappointing if I did. I know it for sure because it is a fairly common event and they tell me “thank you” after. They admit to me on the pillow they were just afraid to let it go, at the time, that’s all. When they are in a situation which gives them strong emotions, women do not always say what they really think. We either, for that matter. But we do more, all the same!
However, be aware that in France, rape is a social phenomenon quite common: 75 000 cases per year, or 1 per 1000 inhabitants. It’s sad, but just around me, I know 4 or 5 cases. Some were raped by members of their families, others under GHB by several guys. And stay a big trauma. Some now make anxiety attacks, others are disgusted of sex, others still love sex but feel guilty, I also know some who by now have great difficulty in trusting someone, and some lucky girls for who fortunately nothing changed…
It is unacceptable to say that they unconsciously wanted it because they were dressed sexy, or because they were walking alone at night. Damn we are not savages !!! These damn rapists should more read my blog, they would be less frustrated as they would be more successful and everyone would have fewer problems.
Some rapists claim that it does not count because she “loved it” but it is wrong to believe that :
– A woman who said “no” think “yes” (it depends on how it is said);
– Violence is sexually exciting for women (a little spanking during doggystyle why not but for the rest you have to ask permission for it to be respectful);
– The victim could have resisted if she really did not consent (bad faith).
It is there that stops the concept of LMR: if the girl firmly says “no”, we stop. And let’s discuss with her calmly. We will only penetrate into her if she finally says “yes” or if she starts jumping on our cock by herself (basically she has to come back to us by herself to show us that she still has desire for us even though it may seem obvious: it’s such a delicate position, we must be careful).
On the other hand, attention, sometimes women falsely accuse men of rape. I’m not saying that it is often, but it can happen. Some have made a lot of money like that through fraudulent trial. It’s disgusting to talk about this but be aware that it exists. So, prevention is better than cure, prevent this kind of situation!
In summary, to do well, she must feel that she can leave at any time; do not put her too much under pressure. The frame must be clear: she is free, she is not forced and we do not withdrawn “sex” to a woman, we are two when we do it !!
It’s better to miss a shot than being accused of rape, let’s be realistic. But women must also understand it and not call us “small dick” if we do not always insists when they yell their internal torture “but I feel like I’m not like that” or “I love that one forces me but I say it only when you’re gone.”