My purgatory

November 9th 2013,

Monday. On Monday, I had my last oral for my diploma. During my presentation, the jury went through my report, then they improvised shitty questions on the 3-4 first pages (the document has more than 100 pages) before concluding by “that looks very complex, this work, we really have a doubt, we do not know if it is really you who did it”. Here is how an incompetent jury which did not read the report (while it is its JOB) for which you worked hard during several months is going to make you fail. And it is true within one hour, because they are idiots. How to continue to have some respect for the Department of Education in France after that ? Needs to specify here that it was a study on the new tax system in the metropolis Aix-Marseille which concludes that it is necessary to reorganize the region to make it more competitive, and that the MEDEF contacted me via my internship supervisor to use this document in the discussions at the senate. They even made me meet some experts to polish it up… Then, yeah, I am more or less sure that it deserved 15/20. As a result, I didn’t appreciate being dealt as a child who would have copied his work from Wikipedia and to whom we speak as to a moron. Either it was a political operation led by anti-metropolises (the vice-chancellorship and the city hall of Aix), or the examiners were simply released by the subject, or I am paranoid and completely stupid but I do not realize it. In three cases, I will be fucked, I can feel it. In brief, with the recent aggression, that makes a little bit too much and my morale comes down in my socks.

Tuesday. On Tuesday, I was so much irritated by Monday that I didn’t move from my parents. I just started a new ebook project about the body language.

Wednesday. On Wednesday, I finally left the family cocoon in which I camped during more than a month for my revisions. Come back in Aix : DATE planned at home between 6 and 7pm with a girl from Adopte who I allegedly had to screw. As a result: at 8 pm, still nobody there. At the time of today, she sent me neither message of excuse nor anything while she is connected on FB… I deduct that it is the law of the series. At the moment, I really have no luck, I only fall on negative people. Well, when the guy waits for the girl at his home and when he can attend to his activities, I don’t see the interest to stand him up to piss him off… or then she simply chicken out at the idea of being taken wildly ?! This kind of girl is totally useless, I have already granted her more time than she deserves, let’s not speak about it anymore. Well, I was very tired and all this lousy stories screwed my modjo a little. Then I went in my bed and slept during 14 hours.

Thursday. On Thursday, big day. First of all, Hafid turned unexpectedly up at home. We went to the faculty of literature: I approached 7-8 girls by telling them, grosso-modo, that they interested me and I suggested them going in a date. Because I did not fall on a single willing girl, I answered them all “you do not know what you miss”. It was not a question of ego, just that I was irritated by the succession of the failures. Why have I to go to a great deal of trouble “to deserve the right” to give some pleasure to a girl (especially that sometimes, needs to speak sincerely, I sell myself off) ?! Fuck this fucking logic.

Padawan then convinced me to go to the taekwondo at about 8 pm with him. His club is tremendously cool, people are awesome (not one single big idiot), the sport is nice and really made me force… I think that I am going to join because I really need to let off steam at the moment. On the other hand, later, we went to the sauna and the little of energy which I had fell again.

Hard luck, I had to go out with Hafid. Yet, for me, making a false plan is unthinkable, even if I am done… so we went out. And there, it was the drama. For the first time since almost 2 months, I confronted with the poverty of the hunting ground in Aix. Almost nobody in streets, bars were full with 90 % of alcoholic guys who made circles around the rare (fat) girls to prevent the others from speaking to them (when I think of these guys, I always have in mind the image of monkeys which defend their female by taping on the breast). I have the impression that the level of the field falls in a continuous way for one year (or then it is me who is not any more in sync with the alcoholics). Really a disaster.

At about 2 am, we have tried to pick up an English girl, Hafid took her FB. Then we returned and, on the road, I sent a text to Marie (my open relation of last winter). I told her something like “are you in town? I go back home, if you want, come with me otherwise I don’t know what better you are going to do tonight”. She came at about 2:45 am. We made love directly, like before. The link between us always exists, it made me feel something. On the other hand, she enlarged, then she only wanted to fuck chastely in the black. But it is MY Marie to tell the truth, I don’t care about all that (3 months I wanted to screw her again! Especially that she did not stop texting me “OK but we shall go have a drink eh, later we shall see, I don’t come so easily at your place” (incomprehensible) and there with just a little bit of alcohol in the blood she finally assumes to do what she in fact wanted to do too!) I was not taking doggy style a model, but a girl with whom there was a strong sexual complicity. On the other hand, I had a little idealized her in time, I realize it. But the fact that this fucking connection still exists, it is fascinating !

Friday. On Friday, DATE at noon with Virginie. We ate, we made love on the couch. My old neighbor came to tap in my door while I was ejaculating. I don’t know what she wanted, I didn’t open. I cursed her instead. Then, we watched The King Lion 3… then, I have banged her again and I almost fell asleep so much I felt good terms with this darling in my arms. Quite slender (99 pound for 5ft4), fine-looking with breasts and very firm buttocks, green eyes, good face and everything. Paradise.

The evening, I met the brother of the girl of the bodypainting. The streap-teaser who gives seminars about sex in Ukraine, who sometimes play into porns and who makes street shows in France. He was proud to tell to me that what I like very much about her sister, it is the values he inculcated her (to like sex, to assume it intelligently and to fuck in a good way). He showed me a great deal of things, in particular his RUSSIAN FB (VK), and proved me that it is the girls who try to pick up the men over there (moreover French are popular there). According to him, the Ukrainians are hopeless with the girls… they do not approach: they get drunk until they have the courage to speak with a girl, it is poignant. A very interesting meeting, this Morbak. He says that in the Eastern countries, the women have a real feminine energy (they act like hotties and assume) and the hetero men have a male energy (do not act like pussies). On the other hand, in France, he says that the guys tend to display more and more feminine energy (the mass is less and less virile) and the women more and more male energy… what makes that it creates a confusion and a climate of conflict (it is also the case in the countries where the culture is close to ours like in the United States) which does not exist everywhere else (EG in the countries of the North like Sweden or in the East like in Ukraine or in Russia or in certain Asian countries). It is what makes me say that they have probably a good laugh over there when they read how the average guy that I am works hard in France to fuck on average 2/3 girls per month (for example in Australia, it is not rare that a guy is honked by girls). We then went out to practice SPU. He saw all the fucking attitudes with which I am daily confronted. He told me “Aix it is some mud, if you walk in the mud, do not be surprised if you to have the dirty feet”. Roughly: we are in a country where the girls have a mentality of shit (conditioning). Otherwise, he is very close to Alain Soral (I do not think that they go into orgies together all the same) seen that he goes alongside with him and he told me that according to Soral it is going to fart in France, a little bit like in Greece, certainly before 10 years. Moreover, Alain converted, it seems, his money into gold and hid it in Florida. I have no desire to go into political debates in the sauce Egalité&Réconciliation here, but it is true that I would like that we find back the Love and the pride to be French as our grandparents had when they went to the war. Who would go fighting for France now? Seriously, it is a country full of injustice, disparities, it looks like it is just a set of communities which look to the others with animosity. In brief, we approached about ten girls in a club, we fell of course on our silly bitches’ lot, some nice girls also, and on guys who tried to piss us off “little shit, go away from there, do not speak to them, it is ours”. Waste of the humanity (remember the monkeys about which I spoke just now). Morbak was bewildered to see that… nevertheless it’s common practice in my reality. We met Arnaud, the guy who had stopped speaking to me and told some shit about me just because I screwed a girl who did not want him. Arnaud came to apologize personally, I took him in my arms and forgave his bullshit: I prefer giving love even if it is sometimes against instinctive. Arnaud told me that in Romania, he screwed 6 girls in 6 months then I a little observed him to see if he had improved his Game but no… It is the field over there and the status that confers the fact of being French which helped him. Good for him, eh, it is just that I really wonder why we get bored in France to display so much energy for girls not that hot and tiresome (I really wonder why French still have this reputation of good lovers). Especially that, the best genes (bigger, stronger, more resistant according to objective data) are in the North and in the East. In the club, I was entitled to some big whores like the one to whom I spoke and who answered me, quite proud, “why are you talking to me? didn’t you wash your ass ? ” She came back talking to me later, still being a pain in the neck “you did wash your ass is, it done now?” This girl was far from hot, and she was so aggressive, some people will see a test there but it is the male energy about which Morbak The Traveler spoke… it is true that it is far from feminine or sexy, acting like that. We eventually found all the same two correct girls, we jabbered them, we took their FB and we suggested them coming home with us, but they did not want. Predictable: too bad for them. Before going out, a jerk put a nudge unintentionally in my nose already broken by the aggression, I still have a rough time. Well. On our way back, Morbak The Wise told me “you don’t drink alcohol anymore, you eat bio, you started the practice of a martial art… but that is not enough so that you have good energies. There, you exchange flows with any sorts of unhealthy unknowns who are absolutely not worth it at all and that empties your reserves. Game is interesting for the fact that you break your own ego but remain confident. It is interesting also to see that you answer with the smile even to the worst silly bitches. You are on the right way of your own self-fulfillment, which passes by unconditional love but you still need to improve yourself”. Well, I don’t want to be recruited in anything which can prevent me from being objective but I can recognize the value of these words. Sincerely, he is interesting this nomadic patriot, a little bit megalomaniac and authoritarian but cool. He organizes orgies almost everywhere in the world: once again, the libertines who share hot girls have probably a good laugh when they see the misery of the “normal” guys. What reassured me, it is that his dream life and his job (sex teacher) for Russian girls, he had it thanks to the bluff and to the nerve: one day, he decided that he was rather good in the bed and started to charge girls to teach them how to suck… all of this in front of his wife who is a libertine Russian too. Another world for me, but that reminded me that everything is possible, in certain contexts… especially that he is alpha but not able to approach girls in the street alone for example. Roughly, what I mean to say is that getting involved in orgies with 10 sublime blondes, it is possible, and not only in our craziest dreams. Just like it is possible even in France to fuck hot women while having understood nothing to the fairer sex (soccer players, celebrities, waiters in clubs, etc.)… it is thus necessary to linger over the chap to see the value, to do not judge hastily, it is also necessary to look at the value of the girls which those guys fuck and not only the number. The degree of the possible just depends on the context. He told me that, in Goa, country of the hippies, it’s common practice that normal guys fuck awesome girls. But that even in countries like Sweden/Brazil/Ukraine/Russia, it is possible to bang hotties easily, because rules are not the same. And because it is less easy for the girls, they need to move their ass more to seduce and thus are hotter. Really needs to be naïve to don’t understand that if Mystery&co bring their students in these countries in The Game it is because it is easier for an American even “average” to have results and thus their customers really have the impression to have improved. Well, in our country, we maintain the faith that they are poor and dangerous countries while he seems to say that not at all (and his statements are the same than those of other people I know), that it is here that it is a little the Third World in fact but that the media condition us to be afraid (to avoid that French people rebel too much). I’m not saying that it’s hell, I just say that it is maybe not as well as media would want to persuade us… and that in a lot of places, it is certainly better that what media would want to persuade us. I do not know any more what to think. In brief, for now I am in France, thus I play according to these rules but it is good to have another vision like that from time to time. I just remember his last words “to have the same sexual life in France that I have in Russia, it would be necessary to me to display 1000 times more efforts, and still I am not sure to succeed”. At this moment, I was thinking “but if it was the girls who were the most sexually frustrated and not the guys, then maybe the insecurity would decrease because they are less stupid than us from the point of view of the violence and males have all the same an instinct of polygamist thus we could satisfy more women and even all and so everybody would maybe see the life through rose-colored glasses.” Suddenly, the door slammed : by returning, my roommate told me that a bastard had assaulted her next to the bus station to steal her phone.

The conclusion is that Aix became a shitty field. It is small, thus very limited for the SPU (you always meet the same people) and the clubs especially where the entry is less than 10€ are really bad. Less than 10 girls for more than 90 guys in the clubs. I just exaggerate a little. Then yeah, there are girls in the city, but they do not go out any more in the night. I have the impression that what also plays it is that our generation knew neither the hunger, nor the war nor anything. Most of people did not thus understand that it is necessary to enjoy life, to do not waste time for things without interest because it can stop at any time… and it is true simply because most were never confronted with death. Well, there I have my wintry modjo reduction, like I had before summer. I do not really want any more, I don’t feel the NEED nor the ENVY. In a week I will feel better, I hope, but while waiting… I am going to wait that the storm passes.

I hope that this text will have purged me and will have raised the bad eye which I had on me… While waiting to make a fresh start, may the God of the Game be with us all, we need it !

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