Every time you avoid doing thinks you really want to do (because of the fear), doesn’t matter if it is a little or a big thing, you fall in your own self-esteem.
Understanding the basis
Inventing excuses to avoid approaching women is a process which takes root well before the moment when you do not go speaking to the princess. In fact, you avoided approaching since you turned up in the bar. Most of people avoid (by ease) doing what they want to do, all day long. Every day. All year. All their life.
We have approximately 16 000 thoughts a day. Well, if we are awakened 16 hours a day that makes 10 000 « concrete » desires. How many doesn’t come true for a reason or another? This kind of negative thoughts prevents us from acting.
Every minute is an opportunity to do something and stop avoiding. To stop being negative. To stop procrastinating. You can build yourself right now a positive momentum.
A night of typical loser
You are in the line to enter in a club. That does not move forward. What is the fucking problem ? You avoid asking to the bouncer. You do not want to « bother him » so you shut up your mouth and wait wisely during 2 hours.
Finally, you come in. You would want to question the barmaid about cocktails. But you ask for nothing because you do not want to double the person in front of you.
In fact, you do not really want to drink alcohol but you are afraid of asking for a glass of water because you think that the waitress would laugh at you and would treat you of « pussy ». Instead, you drink vodka.
This floozy did not apologize while she half spilled the glass on you, did not look at you in eyes and did not even smile. You leave all the same 1€ of tip because you wrote, in your head, a scenario according to which : If you do not leave a tip, she will repeat to all other members of the staff that you are a skinflint and you will be banished from this club FOREVER. Big dead.
The club is full. However, you spot a free seat. But you say to yourself that if you sit down there, a man built like a tank is certainly going to appear from nowhere and to bawl you above « this is my seat, go away little crap ».
OK, but it won’t happen. Moreover, this sofa is a strategic place to see and be seen. But you do not sit down there because you don’t dare.
Coming back to the bar, you hear two girls speaking about a subject which interests you enormously. But you do not introduce yourself : you give up getting new acquaintances and you prefer to whistle for your vodka at 10€ the glass, alone in the corner.
On the dancefloor : « Ohlala this girl is wonderful, moreover, just my type. Well, it’s time to approach. Well, no, not now, I finish my drink first. »
You really need to work on yourself, right? It is essential to overcome your approach anxiety (and to set free yourself from the social pressure)…
The truth is that there are quite a lot of things you avoid doing, and it is true every day. In particular TALKING TO WOMEN as soon as you come into the bar.
All those little things
This lack of confidence and of momentum due to the avoidance of all these little gifts all day comes back haunting you at the fateful moment when you have to begin conversations.
Every time you avoid doing something that you really want to do, whatever, you are hurting yourself. You bash up your self-esteem, your pride.
But are you really at light years of a life where you could do « everything you want » (within the limits of the laws) and that it would go like clockwork ?
I don’t think so, I think that there is only a step which separates you from the excellence. The hardest part is to start…
Extract from : The (inconvenient) truth about gender relations