Should you follow a protocol in bed ?

This text has been written by The Teacher

The first time a man looked at me to push me to orgasm while he had already come himself, I felt lucky. It was the first time I met him, we had not developed particular feeling for the other one, and yet my pleasure seemed important to him. He had achieved a faultless performance, from the first moments to the final orgasm through foreplay: he had fanned my desire and excitement, he took his time, looked and touched my body with envy, as much as I was discovering new sensations. What a new experience, thank you Cyprineman! When I got home, I wondered, either the spell was hard on me and I had met only selfish men until today, or the majority of men are selfish in bed and this one is a pearl.

We, I think, all agree that sex is something we need to practice with one partner (at least), this is a moment that we share. A moment when the partners have fun together, and when everyone is benefiting. But I’m not sure that we all interpret this in the same way…

We all need to feel desired, during the act and after, when we watch again the movie of our romps in our mind. Now, I have not often had the feeling of being desired for myself. I mean a form of hierarchy settles, and I felt like my partner liked more the sex “in general” than the sex “with me for me”. Precisely, in my opinion, it’s what is the source of several more or less selfish behaviors.

Note that selfishness is not inversely proportional to the affection that your partner feels for you. He can be in total love and think only about his pleasure like he can simply be in “love with every women” and be a great lover.

I have identified some selfish (male) behaviors in bed. Of course, nothing comprehensive. In other words, here’s what not to do if you want your partner to have a good time with you.

1. The worst lovers are probably those who use women as an alternative to their usual masturbation. I mean, it’s when Madame is only there to help Monsieur to empty his balls, she has only one purpose: varying the monotony of his hand jobs. For the luckiest, Monsieur will perhaps touch you a little. It’s cliché but it exists, and it is widespread. The nice woman agree to date the man and put aside her frustration while another one would show all the same a bit of disappointment. If really Monsieur is the worst of the boors, he will finish in her hand or mouth and not fuck her. In the best case, she can still hope a future coitus will give her some sensations. It’s better than nothing. However, gentlemen, it will not surprise you if those women feel a lack of motivation and opts for the starfish position. And if she cries loudly, is that she is really very attentive and does not want to alter your pride.

2. About bad lovers, there are also those who go straight to the point, who do not really understand that they should better first make the desire of their partners raise… Like if they were magnetic and that by simply watching us we become wet. Generally, these men do not give a shit about preliminary and decide to rapid penetration. Of course they will blame us for not being enough lubricated. Hey, idiot, turn me on! Not better : there are those that put directly their hand in the string, like this, without warning. Normal. If it can sometimes be exciting, most of the time it’s just bad. The idea is like if he said to us: “your body I do not care, what I am interested in is your pussy.” It is well known, the beauty of women depends entirely on her pussy.

3. There are those who have understood the need of stimulating their partner…. but not too much, all the same! It’s the kind of guy who understands the value of foreplay, but do not want it too long. Generally, it is limited to mutual masturbation. A little blowjob if Madame is generous. Note that I have rarely met men who love cunnilingus, who go down there by themselves or who agree to do so when it’s asked. Typically, I interpret this rejection of cunnilingus as a selfishness symbol in the sense that there is no desire to give pleasure to the other one selflessly while some people find in this a real source of pleasure. Sex is like a bouquet of flowers : joy to offer, joy to receive.

4. There are also these selfish men behavior from men who are not really so selfish. I explain: these are the men a little awkward, inexperienced or not confident enough that dare because they are afraid of hurting. They are in a rather passive and disconcerting attitude. Sometimes people have understood the importance of warming their partners by promising the moon and stars… but are bad when the time comes. Beware of big mouths: chances are they are bad legs. In this category there are those who are too proud to learn and let themselves be guided by their partner (who will stay bad and selfish), and there are those who are humble and who listen to their partner (who will certainly become great lovers). Of course everything can be learned, and The awesome lover’s manual is here for you.

5. Finally, some men strictly follow a protocol, regardless of their partner. It’s enough for them. They probably think we are all alike, we love all exactly the same things and above all, in a specific order… it is wrong : the fuck parties are very similar, it bothers and gives no pleasure. Why is it selfish? Because nothing is done FOR the partner, because the desires are not listened and those men do not really show themselves interested in this female pleasure in particular : everything is anticipated, almost imposed. There is no spontaneity, no real sharing when Monsieur fucks Madame with a prepared program. The typical plan is: warming her while dressed, touching a bit as we undress, Monsieur fingers a bit, Madam kinda sucks by gratitude (or not…) and hop hop hop, come here I take you 5 minutes (missionary or doggy style, not original). These protocols are even more detestable when the partner is regular. I understand that some may feel comfortable thanks to the idea that there is a magic formula to apply… but this is the worst mistake to commit, because we are all different and we want to be treated in our singularity. The key would be to identify the desires of the other one (even verbalize it) and let things happen as a logical consequence (easy to say).

When we put a will in it, despite a selfish partner, we always find a way to be (somewhat) satisfied. At least one adapts to the situation, at least when that’s the only thing we know. Personally, all these behaviors had something in common: no orgasm. Never. Why ? Perhaps because, psychologically, I was not willing to have any orgasm. And what can prevent a woman from being ready for this? A lot of things, I suppose. One of them is linked to the partner even unconsciously, we evaluate the guy and try to guess if yes or no our pleasure matters to him. How to let yourself go when you know the other one doesn’t give a shit about you and your pleasure in fact?

In these cases, women are not really benefiting, for sure. But I wonder if these men, too, do not miss out on something powerful.

So what ? Is it not enough to have a pretty face or a big dick to be a great leg? Sure, a handsome man will be more attractive just like one who has a healthy body. Although, tastes and colors… Fortunately there’s something for everyone. And about penis size… I do not think that’s the first thing a woman thinks about when meeting a man, so it is not very important.

Anyway, I do not think the physical appearance of a man is directly linked to his performance/knowledge/sexual experiences, although it is still important that we like him. Many other factors come into account: his personality, his intelligence, his culture, his humor, his split, his interests, his style, his attitude, what do I forget..? In short, many things that make this man attractive. For the rest, his handsome face is not going to influence his behavior in bed (maybe will he feel more confident and will take more initiatives. Maybe he had fucked more women and so has a good experience?). Similarly, what is the point in having a big cock if we do nothing with it?

But the question also arises for women: is just being beautiful enough to be a good lover? It seems nevertheless enough to have a regular sexual activity… But if they do know only the starfish position, the guys will not necessarily want to see them again. What I am saying is there is not only men that can be accused of being selfish in bed… that women are not only victims of lager (even if we are very happy to believe it). Some are passive, they expect to receive without giving back. With this difference that they do not clearly ask for things: in general, the selfish man asks for his blowjob, while the women selfishly hopes her cunnilingus (and sulk in silence if she does not get it). They should also make efforts to communicate and know the body of the other one.

In conclusion, I would say that sex is a problem of expertise, and that good sex mix this knowledge of the other with the fact of being interested in the partner (remember to listen and be heard). Well, sometimes, despite our best efforts, it’s still not awesome : nothing is always perfect, and I guess that some partners were not made to fit to meet.

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