First, what is affective dependence?
Emotional addiction is dependence on a person… most often to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Like addiction to a psychotropic substance, emotional dependence must be taken care of because it puts the victim into a state of stress that mixes jealousy, possessiveness, frustration, chronic dissatisfaction and the over-sized need for the other.
People who are victims of emotional dependence always and too much doubt the feelings of their guy or their girlfriend… it is the kind of person constantly asking for proofs of love and to stifle the other.
Symptoms of emotional dependence include mood swings, nervous attacks, insomnia, etc. This can go very far! Sometimes the person who is emotionally addicted forbids his or her partner from visiting family, friends, co-workers, etc.
In the most extreme cases (as can sometimes be seen in Confessions intimes), the jealous person even forbids his or her lover to go out and buy bread alone. It goes too far!
I am for independence in the couple because a couple is not a unit but the meeting of two wills not in a merger but in a union… As a result, each member should be able to start his or her own projects, make decisions alone(e), enjoying being alone sometimes, etc.
Emotional dependence in a couple can be very difficult to live if it lasts and can therefore lead to depression or a broken relationship. It is a matter of usury. Apart from the fact that the two protagonists have a very low level of self-confidence, it is very hard to tolerate the emotional dependence of the other during a whole life.
I advise you to dig the question to see if your spouse (if he is the emotional dependent) is dependant all the time he is in a relationship or if it is a special treatment for you. If he does the same with everyone, it is not that you are exceptional in his eyes, it is that he or she is sick.
We often find the source of an affective dependence in the past of the person who is the victim. This may come from his or her relationship with his/her parents: often it comes from having experienced a fear of abandonment, a betrayal or something like that.
It can also come from past romantic relationships: often the person came out with a furious madwoman or with a narcissistic perverse who traumatized her, and so on.
Solutions to live a stable love story
You have to gain self-confidence to gain emotional autonomy. For this, a personal development work can be very effective.
You will have to stop doubting your qualities, stop thinking that you are not up to your partner, etc. You have to get these ideas out of the head and the fingers of your ass at the same time! The best way to achieve this goal is to do some work on yourself to have a rich and fulfilling personal life.
Whether you want to get your ex back, improve your life as a couple or find someone else, a work to become a better version of yourself will help you and you will not regret it. But be careful, we do not cure a love addiction in a few days… this requires a hard work, on yourself, that takes time. That said, it is an investment that seems to me very important for the rest of your life.
Here are some ways to improve your lifestyle:
– do a lot of sports;
– improve your diet to improve your fitness and feel better;
– take care of yourself, dress well;
– find a passion in life;
– have a few close relatives;
– define personal and professional goals.
To be differentiated from the amorous obsession
Unless you have a chance to gather more accurate and usable information, or if you are not in good shape, you have nothing to gain by delaying the encounter and attempting to seduce a desired person.
Rakes are rarely the problem. On the other hand, disappointment after a long uncertain wait is truly destructive… What then? Getting back in the saddle, of course.
“I am very sad… my heart is in trouble… I loved this girl, I was thinking of her every day! I wanted to be with her, to hang out with her… but after our first date, she preferred to tell me, kindly by mail, that she did not want to go further with me !! ??? What did I do? Why do not she likes me ? It’s hard to get refused by a girl you love, it hurts in my heart…”
In fact, the girl was very nice to tell this guy what she thought rather than leaving him in ignorance by ease until he gets tired… Uncertainty is even worse than failure… believe me !
Who knows the reasons for this failure? Not the right place? Not the right way? Too many people aware?
The only valid thing to do is to approach a woman and try. Without trying to complicate everything. It is through this attitude that we will all find THE one, one of these days.
And for now? This guy suffers, he had so much bet on this girl … THE ONLY RIGHT THING THAT HE CAN DO now is to go out and empty his mind with his friends and meet other women.
Of course, some will advise him to write letters of love with his blood, to make suicide attempts or to scream naked under the window of the girl, but it is a very bad idea, in practice.
It is better to move on, even if the ego does not like this idea.
Next time, this guy will not wait several weeks before approaching or showing his interest… and one of the following times he will meet a person who will be delighted by his attentions. This misadventure was only a step towards his success. But he does not have the necessary distance to see it.
In fact, it is not the girl who makes him suffer, we must not blame her. He suffers from the love obsession he has imposed to himself by imagining what it would have been like if…
If you are in a similar case, do not depress in your corner. You have to get back into the saddle and in a while, like this guy, you will not feel any pain and will be able to use this rejection as a useful experience.
In the community of seduction, this pseudo-loving state is called the “One It Is” (the One and Only). It is a self-inflicted love obsession which leads one to think that only the coveted girl can give meaning to the void of his life, etc.
When we advise beginners to approach right away, or as quickly as possible, it is also to avoid getting into this kind of pitiful state…
It is a sort of pathology of feelings. Not only does it make you sick, but it usually makes impossible a vaguely effective approach to seduction.
I am going to give you a confidence that hurts: hardly anyone likes ashore people. And those who love them are often even more worrisome than others (Savior’s syndrome, manipulators, followers of the race to the bottom who will resent you to death if you start to succeed one day…)
Unfortunately, it’s almost mathematical: feeding a love obsession for a girl means losing ground and missing the target while failure is obviously not an option you want to consider. Whether we like it or not, finding and seducing the woman of your dreams requires knowing how to keep your cool : one must learn how to think clearly. But obviously, this is not enough: to lucidity, we must combine the safety of gestures.