On 86th February 2015,
Before you read this, keep sharp objects away from you: I would like to spare my public collective suicide. I alternate, in what follows, navel gazing, vulgarity and poetry: it can make a chemical gangbang in your head and make you so much wanting to you would explode from the basis of your sex. The problem is that on one side, inspiration cannot be bought… but you have to make laugh this audience literally addicted & junkie to sex. There’s this fucking chronic which awaits me at a halt. She taunts me from afar like a dependent child who expects his small strawberry pots and is very greedy! A text on my blog is prepared with as much delicacy as a little whoopee.
So I write this after I warmed in company of young student who had just more than 30 years if we add them (with whom I spent a great evening despite what you’ll read spoke after I wanted to cram). Two girls with oriental charm. “It’s the dough I earn on my blog that interests you so much the chintok? And you want to stay how long this morning the niakoué? Move your ass to leave because last night I needed you to empty my cock but this morning you are no longer useful to me because I have to write what is urgent so do not forget to pick up your panties Petit Bateau. And by the way thank you to the food before leaving bitches, if you could also go scrubbing the toilets and vacuum three dust grains showing off your ass and whistling the Marseillaise before entering your HLM it would be perfect.” One doesn’t say that love lasts three hours and then only if they are two? Well. They not only did not help me to write when I was begging for inspiration, but the more I listened them talking more I liked oysters.
With that said, I must admit, even by myself without being disturbed, I struggled to give birth without an epidural to this text because it is far from my usual writing universe. But my goal is to modernize the language while immersing mine in the one of a young reader: it’s not easy, fucking camel ass, I must go out of my comfort zone! Rereading, I also say to myself that even Amélie Nothomb could have done better by scribbling on a toilet paper (she is very modern but writes without modernism making her responsible for Amazon deforestation hop go to jail). I assume and I still sign the text at the end, taking care to dip my pen in my first drop of semen day. Otherwise, I know myself and I’ll wait until having JP Coffe haircut (long live capillary solidarity to the king of the pain in the ass dictation too) before publishing something else on my blog. And anyway, the result will never be worse than the marriage proposal Domenech. Go soccer players, call me a misogynist asshole and pretentious … it missed me too, band of illiterate !!! Big up to the mélanchonistes nerds!
I know that lately I wrote rather pessimistic articles. At the same time, it’s hard to resist stress attacks (a thought for African countries who do not know the freedom of expression – a world where nobody can say something stupid it is a world of morons) , the stolen photos, hackers tapping, the paranoid Jews (ie a handful of assholes that do not even read me take me for an anti-Semitic), the pressure of finance and moods of the housewife under fifty rods. But hey it’s part of life all this: there are ups and downs (bra and thong) in life. So I decided to take up (or lowers depends on your point of view) the level of my blog based on gender approximations easy jokes on the physics of our last two presidents (seriously these guys bang Carla Bruni and Julie Gayet I fantasize about them from the age of 15?) and racist provocations (the Arab countries have only anecdotal problems such as buying the PSG). I says it all: I’m a motherfucker in this article so let me go ahead of the foreskin! I do not want to have to finish my damn chronic justifying on everything! Fucking lobster!
Right now, I feel rather better, thanks to the presence of my dear Virginie (my friend, my lover, my love) and the lack of Padawan and metallers of my life (they put a great atmosphere by not coming).
I recently went out with guys met on a pickup forum. We will call one Frank Ribery because of the fact that he speaks French very well like a bad translation of Reverso. Small inferiority complex in front of him, however, on learning that he had a 230 cm long cock. We could call the other Marc Lavoine since his main seduction technique is to do his “regard révolver” I talk to a girl (an animal technique that would make jealous Leo Carpaccio Di). This is a somewhat perverse Kabyle who runs a grocery store and scratches his balls looking at his client’s eyes. I do not like peopke try to steal my targets so elegantly so I decided to install a digital code on Virginie’s pussy whose key would be the end of my rod (you never know it could excite her or why not a barbed wire up). Besides speaking of you, dear love Vivie, how long am I begging you on my knees knees to make you redo the breasts ???
Well, let’s go back to Game, who had to approach the first one? Fucking Breton uneducated ass, I was appointed by the cover surprise unanimously. I hope it will not be the same when we will play to determine who will have to Frenchkiss Luc Besson. Fucking ass of leopard not flared!
Well, I saw a chick. I went faster than Speedy Gonzales (only the oldest will understand the reference but small wanker knows that the future belongs to those who get up early): Gammon wind, tie askew, glasses fogged .. I as was like is my habit: funny and vulgar rash (talkative, narcissistic, neurotic) to impress my wingmen of the day and mix my saliva with the one of this naughty origin redhead (she had a passport to reside in France). I decided to pursue my advances until she gives way but hopefully the routine I usually use on silicone young sluts worked “you love big cocks? you should find yourself a guy who has one … random example: me. ”
After a moment her burning brow like a Berlusconi night began to sweat (IDI), she asked me “What is your passion?
– The guys of the PTT bar, Benzema and Jojo my hamster
– Go to castration
– I would not be equipped to make love to you in this case
– Okay [damn I had no more motivation to seek a joke because I was falling on the stairs of the blunder so I decided to play the card of the frankness]
– Go and put your ass in front of me in a bar, it’s not every day that you meet a boy so unbalanced. I swear I have not AIDS, I even cried with joy by dancing in the kitchen when I got my results
– OK well just because you’re funny. And it’s the last holidays after I leave Aix for an internship so I do not care
– OK but I beg you to stop right away to look at me this way I have the impression of being a chicken supreme with orange.
– I warn you right now I will not sleep with you
– You never know, everything is so fast nowadays with NICT”
I played footsie at the bar. By rubbing the right place. She did the same on me. This was my first orgasm in public … her first orgasm (to exorcise there’s nothing better). I asked the tramp who had settled in front of the bar to look down, this kind of twisted was watching us by jerking off (it was a Romanian plaintive begging with his eyes just like you right now dear reader) . She had given me hungry with all this: not a sandwich homegrown but a “falafelation”. A little bonus for her, she was a believer: those who still think that the Bible is not just for stalling a TV manufactured in North Korea by children.
My two wingmen (my comrades in the fight against feminism), these repressed fags were leaving by saying “if we stay we will end up like two gays watching you having sex.” I grabbed one by the collar of his tweed jacket that suits him so badly and I requested him to move his ass and to approach a girl. He crapped on it literally. Amid these AFC I felt like Patrick Sébastien lost in a cultural show and singing “the tight little guy stuck at the bottom of this pussy” according to the principle antagonist comedy by Dany Boon … Leave if you are ready to cook pies I’ll put you in the face fucking losers! The beefier said “c’mon dude go on” but I did not want to inflict a beating last. And I thought these people were interested in football, they were almost frequentable, I am very disappointed …
So I took the girl by the hand, saying “just go to bed and take a shower before in the hope I see you going out of it before you dress up” and they went home too . She enjoyed rubbing against my tuft compressed by her suspender belt. She really liked my comic talent in bed. During the break, we watched a porn with Rocco who was licking his toes stretched range. Damn I’ll erase this passage rereading it makes me look like a big weird anyway. In short, she again suck on my little coquetry I showed her with pride. I then sodomized her with a steel gadget. We qualified our antics of a zest materialism ” your cock is a little tanned
– you haven’t the mark of the swinsuit. ”
Her brother phoned while we fucked and I took the phone because she was handcuffed. He asked what is abortion for a dissertation, I guess. I said “that’s what your parents regret not having done when there was still time.” I am a real motherfucker, I hope he did not want to cut his dick with his zapper television after that and even when it helped a bit. No seriously, to be forgiven I will offer him a useful gift: Prozac. She, the naughty redhead, has not liked me too trolling her brother this way knowing that she was herself to her 6th yoga exercise and 3rd Prozac of the day. She left with the eyes as keen as Doherty at the exit of a custody (I have much affection for him because he is a former drug addict brother to the notorious perversity). I said I was desperate to apologize even plunge my tongue in a titanium condom. Seriously, her wispy look might make me hard just by crossing it in the the tail of the ANPE. Beautiful and not even stupid: I was happy not to keep my miasma for me even if she has left a little abruptly.
After she left, I turned off the camera I left running to my room. This is the Youporn & Michel d’Aix en Provence. I returned picking up because it was not late and came across an ultra-naughty chick. When you picked up so cold woman you can do Pick-Up at the North Pole. I take my ticket? No seriously it made me disgusted.
Well I went to bed naked as a Chernobyl beach and I dreamed that I was eating with Franky Ribery. The guy of the forum, not the real footballer. He reminded me Padawan in the sense that he was a fan of organic food. I’d eat well with complete Quinoa rice, me, his shitty principles. So I was eating at a vegetarian restaurant in front of the other fag then he started kissing me, his little goat was able to thrill the parts of my body until that night completely unsuspected. He insisted licking my toes in a public place, too. What a strange and penetrating dream. It was a very stormy passion. It made me almost as excited as having my first homosexual experience with our national poet Eric Zemmour or take classes of handling crowds with Alain Pipeau Soral at an orgy with his 700 conquests. Know that I am really desperate to go on the show of a certain shortsighted homosexual and communist leader (in the world of showbiz after 10pm we do not order just sushis so I can try my luck). I should point out though that I am not more gay than Teddy Rhiner normally, I just do it for cash.
The next day when I walked into town, I saw an ex,(we share a past oral sex) rich suffering from an huge intellectual complex. The poor took good 20 kilos and as much of cocaine since the last time I saw her. We used to fuck in front of the DVD of Amelie Poulain with condoms YSL, while receiving Bordeaux intravenously. Contact violent wet body, our tongues connected … short preliminary bourgeois type before coitus tendency proletarian. After she fell asleep like a baby of 50 kilos for 1m65. Sometimes we fought then drank discord whiskey before welcoming the rise in us of the orgasmic reconciliation. With her bank account (or rather the one of her parents) we enjoyed complete freedom with all the consequences that it may lead: I should marry her (her or murder her father and marry her mother), I’would not have had to work in my life. But her pussy was wet with alcohol and after a cunnilingus I was still drunk. Too bad because I was feeling good in her frail arms of supermodel anorexic. I look like a homosexual when I write it a bit but it’s like that.
We all the same married in Vegas with this crazy who had not warned her parents we were leaving (it was Bonnie and Clyde but it saved us from a ritual damn religious marriage / divorce / carnage / suicide) . “Are you willing to take to your sexual partner in orgies for wife, miss XXXX?
– You can make the exchange of XXL condom latex free” (I wear a vigorous sex, 40cm a piece of choice you can confess you dream the night of my elegant penis little slut reader) I’m a guy very mobilized for the cause of big dicks, I even took actions in Durex. WHAT MY TEXT IS TOO MUCH ???! You do not like the hexagonal red white blue humor, Marine? Oh damn I love these police jokes.
In short my relationship with her had to remain secret (between her, me and her little sister who should not open the door nor mouth). Go do not throw me the stone … what at 5 year old you never wanted to suck something? Remember how you felt when your parents allowed you to take a hand in the cage of the zoo panda … well here is the same.
Having seen her again had moved me so I went to bed early with chamomile (also common syndrome among employees of La Poste but them it is rather when they work) like my grandmother who loves Sarkozy and who has baladuriens breasts! I dreamed last night that Emmanuelle Béart had invited me staying home because I was in the street. She hid condoms in her lips. But like in Toy Boy I cheated on her once installed in her luxurious Paris apartment because she had a furious tend to be more beautiful when I’m in trouble. Then they all tend to resemble to those they were the day before, it is a problem for guys like me for who infidelity rooted in their genetic heritage (I was bitten by a genetically modified gorilla). The alarm clock rang, I had to go to the shrink.
So although my therapist did not want me to take meds and tried to dissuade me, saying that it gave cancer and Alzheimer’s, I decided to go to a “psychiatrist” this time. Like De Niro in Analyze This, there’s no shame. To get there I asked my way to a cop who embodied the authority about as well as I embody humility.
The doctor is a little pedantic and fat dude, exercising for $75 / 20 minutes in a street not far from the nightclub where I banged chicks against the fountain located behind the above-cited nightclub.
I’ll not lie to you, I felt on a psychoanalyst. Direct He asked me how it was going with my mother? “You will find the answer on dequoijememletamerelapute.com and cateregardepasconnard.com”
When he asked me € 75 for half an hour, I had the impression of having participated in a dinner where the stupid guest was the patient. Really felt like the Nabila of psychiatry. ME I WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM BECAUSE WHEN I WAS A KID I LISTENED WISELY MY FATHER CALLING MY MOTHER WHORE AND BITCH ???!
After the first session, he said nothing, given nothing, he only said “see you in three weeks.” Three weeks later, he told me to take Valium morning noon and night just to be well high. Three weeks later, he told me he thought I was going very badly, that my case was serious, I needed a strong thing to get out of my depression but he still did not know what then I had to come back in three weeks. I almost killed him, ransack his waiting room and set fire to hide my tracks.
So know that I fuck the shrinks practicing psychoanalysis and do not reprove me even if I have to get it the peephole of Freudian bourgeoisie. This stuff is really crap. The goal is not even to heal. Fucking Freudian kamikazes! At the middle of an analysis you make yourself hara-kiri, it is not possible otherwise! I’m sure the tubes and envious rejoice that I am sick! It’s ridiculous !
My conclusion is that most psychologists are crazier than their patients. And I have a problem of control / anger. I must go hugging my cat and eating chocolate to overcome this because I feel murder desires. 3 sessions of € 75 for remarks that do not advance me. FUCK !
The passage in bold is the only part of the text that is not totally a joke huh I am a fake megalomaniac, a fake narcissistic and I did not already have a big head at 14 years … neurologically I goes well I’m just trying to lighten the mood with this text. That’s it for the news so I will try to return to the therapist who treated me well during my first depression even though it is farther (Marseille) it’s half the price and he is twice more famous. And he has not already proved he was good not like this loser who thinks he’s a god damn because he gave courses at the Faculty of Medicine (poor students).
Well I stop to talking about it because Ihave phosphenes and the heart that beat hard in my ears. Great birthday present he given me this motherfucker, fortunately Virginie came to see me after. Well. I rather want to throw my ironical venom on my motherfucker brother.
So thank you to my brother for showing me everything I should not do in life. The crap he does in his life is the same level that sending Claude Gueant to a concert of Diam’s the hottie. Smiling did not happen to him since the age of 8. 400 cans of beer under lamp per day that’s a lot anyway! Besides, he dares not without audacity driving by being drunk! He may fall like shit fom his scooter, like Depardieu, they have in common btw that they are helped by their obesity. It hangs in his face like a dry mucus … but he should not expect me to pay a € 5,000 bribe to leave the cabin once the cops will look at how he drives. Personally, if I go to jail one day, it’s because it’s illegal to have such a sex appeal.
I came out picking up chicks after going to the shrink: I wanted to enjoy another courtesan. I felt on a girl who did not want me. But I thought she wanted to play: when I approached her, she pushed me and shouted like I was an assassin. I lost my means like Jacques Attali stammering a brilliant theory left. I was shaking like the hands of Jacques Chirac sweetening strawberries without someone coming checking if they are outdated or not so I pulled out the spoon oyster and poker that I always carry with me to silence her. It was fortunate: my cellar was hopelessly empty, I had noone to hide in it for a while. Traces of my DNA will be found in her hair. Hands tied, she won’t be able to unmake up in addition, she will remain beautiful like that.
Know that I am against this shameless world where some lax husbands still allow their wives to leave exposed ankles in the street (the cellars then what is it for ???). What the fuck those tits apparent in movies, seriously ??? They have in addition civil rights that allow them to sleep with nicer guys, more muscular, richer … and leave us when we still love them! Let’s all wear the veil like in the country were heads fall (some not for aesthetic reasons but for religious) and live in a happy world as a family reunion at my aunt’s …
The last two paragraphs were ironic (Iro who is that?), I hope that you understood.
The time she wakes up, what to do tonight? For the trifle only counting on my left hand? OH NO ! I continued my NPU. This is where I met the two girls I mentioned at the beginning of the article. As pickup technique I invited them to come watching an interview of Mélanchon who thought as usual being in a meeting with me. Big thunderbolt: I immediately thought of engaging both domestic toothless (soon they will know the ideal temperature of my bubble baths ahlala I like the small staff and I’m talking about women of course). Fairly important detail to be noticed, one had huge tits (I had never met an Asian hot like that but apparently it exists) a question nagging me: what was she going to do with all that milk? In short, my little spring rolls I’ve had all the sauces (that’s more than two hours that I have acquired them in a trendy restaurant in the middle of a crowd of mojitos).
I was still tired at 4am, and they would not stop fucking so I pulled out my tranquilizer gun and I put the highest dose (the one I use to get rid of polar bears and elephants Africa who sometimes cross my apartment). I hope they will not mind I stopped them in a full rise of oestrogene it is a blow to become crazy but I’m already so I don’t give a shit! (I have a gastro that’s why I’m in a bad mood). My adrenaline is finally back down playing crosswords on the ground floor at 5am and I could sleep with moist eyes that reviews the unfortunate love of his life and she is not even unhappy without him, he lowers his head and sees that she is expecting a baby. Another has banged her better than him in the soiled sheets of their past love. Note to myself: I must compare my cuckold’s horns with those of my ex!
I ended up releasing the one who lived in my basement because she almost knocked down. It would not have been a bad thing (but that does not happen) : my child would have spent the ENA, Science Po and Normale Sup. I would have signed autographs instead of his dangerous liaisons books. And when he had landed at a new school, his father would have already slept with at least one student and his mother, it is important!
For the rest, I’ll meet you in a club of orgies precisely located between Lille and Marseille (a hint: the one I was expelled for a month for not coupled myself one night). Mind you I do not spend my copyright windfall nights in debauchery, not more than 7 times a week anyway. They distribute condoms like Tagada strawberries. It is a real butcher there, clay pigeon shooting … there is a theme soon I guess: swingers brutal practices animal midst broadcast on Arte. That branch you or you find that it is a crime against humanity television?
I would like to open one later (a swingers clubs). I’d be attendant GHB cocktail and my body would also permanently oiled like a frigid stripper in a club Besançon. Loana Bottle images when she was foraging in a famous pool displayed on screen. There would be almost French dancers to energize average French. There would also be a red curtain, Skins condoms and 235H of shows without intermissions including those devoted to female orgasms.
In short it seems that when you have no talent you make yourself censored then censor me, biatches! Nothing is more difficult than when you have a little talent and culture. I would like to seriously boost myself and not having to suck all the Canal+ gays doing nasty chronic (that makes me laugh but just a little and it would make me outright blubbering like haikus of Belgian origin if it was talking about me) ! Hopefully this text has anesthetized all my readers. Surgeons can operate your brain atrophied now! Thank God or Allah that I write instead of talking to you because otherwise I would splutter in your mouth on subjects that are shit! Well I’m leaving I have to show compassion for a granny who has not had relations since 1908. AND YOU WHAT IS YOUR GOOD ACTION TODAY?
Damn I am furious: I learned that in Pigale we won’t even be allowed anymoreto fuck prostitutes soon (The Girl of the Body Painting works there now) … so I’m desperate to succeed .. . even curling overdose viagra with NKM. Yes yes, different political race can reproduce, like assorted sauces in the middle of the same salad. Word of a former 1st class who retaliates by shooting everything that moves, do not move and has never moved! So here Nadine Morano, this text is a kind of long text message that I am sending you (I hope you appreciate the honor because most of my SMS are studied in Normale Sup). I also like Martine Aubry swollen ankle. Serious Rama Yade, I have difficulties to contain this sexual tension between us. Even you, the reactionary psycho able to put 50 million French furious, I want to fuck you against promotion sofa but then you will need a denture which will not help your already faulty diction. I fantasize finally a first lady of France summoned me to the Elysee to lacerate my back with blows of stilettos, I chews her breasts like a baby with eyes of crazy and then she throws me naked in her full of vodka pool and I expiate my sins until morning (the jerk of a woman’s right excites me more than a lick of Ségolène Royal). I will draw as a child on the hairs of her mustache unless she plucks before. Go, make a little effort, I will even accept to rub against a chest of drawers Louis XV if it carries lipstick and heels 15cm. The only one I could not fuck is Christiane Taubira. Sorry. There’s nothing personal in there but hey she always has fucking bad laws ideas and I think even if I am apolitical I can see that there is something wrong with her.
In summary: I accept any kind of job in which one does not dare to fire me for sexual harassment with my secretary and which includs a golden parachute: overseeing few suicides at France Telecom, organizing Betancourt shenanigans, escort-boy for famous girls with €25,000 extension by extraordinary orgasm, in other words any career invented by a drunk guy full of ecstasy could suit me … I figured resigned: in life is either success or morality! The key for me is to socialize the High order to make orgies with them in hotels (especially with a friend who was almost president but who governed only his cock and to whom I confess I would put one hand in the ass).
I’m like Vincent Cassel: I look good only when I am surrounded by atomic bombs. Damn I want to re-watch the teaser of A moment of madness I everytime I see pictures of Lola Le Lann (a beautiful woman, she just plays good even without acting class). Know that you’re an asshole like me! Bah, I forgive you: a star is very boring, I know it because I have already banged one. NO I WON’T TALK ABOUT IT! Girls ? I do not know this stuff me !!! Well, I confess I climbed over the railing to join Kate Winslet in Titanic and I pushed her in the fleet. No but I do not want to complex the influent people of this world with my phosphorescent cock. One tip, if you are hot and ill: take my cock like a antibiotic morning, noon and night. Accuracy: the same mechanism is at work on the atomic bombs who become ugly when you drank too much.
Anyway, I know I have an annoying physical (like a sports teacher in a provincial-looking gym) but PLZ do not put me in jail, my dear Manuel Valls brushing-ambitious know that you have scratched the floor Francois Hollande with your long vampire teeth.
I am writing bad but it is sincere. Everything I have said in this text is true: I swear on the head of Cyril Hanouna! As true as Bogdanov brothers can scratch their balls with their chin. I thank all the people I’m talking about on my blog to don’t make me trial for publishing it. The trial would be shipped anyway. I would do a cunnilingus to the judge. “According to the testimony of my pussy you lick too good to go to jail sucking cocks so you will be condemned to go to a women’s prison.” Even the guards are teasing! Would I be able to choose between 320 dykes aligned like socialists during a primary? Knowing that they would die of envy groping my chest desert as a Japanese island? A delegation of experts could not decide the question if I was able to string them all by myself or not… they concluded that I should be drunk 7/24 to say “yes” to everyone.
I’m leaving, I’ll go writing my future best-seller on cunnilingus because summer is coming soon and I need money: I greatly desire to hang festively during holidays . Also look forward to waddle like Nicolas Dolteau between two wrong notes during the music festival.
Yes, I made a useless article and if you are happy with that, fuck you. Those who do not like me won’t blame me if I come back in a week, it depends on my finances and my libido.
Signed: French billionaire playboy’s imagination.
May the God of the Game blow you!